The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals
by envoy-from-the-dark-abyss
Summary: [OoT] Link has a long journey, and yet doesn't say a thing. What happens when he has thoughts? What happens when an extra twist is added? MissNavi's story, but I help a little! SKLEE!
1. Chapter 1

**This is not my story, it is my best friend MissNavi's all credit goes to her**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals  
**Chapter 1**

Once upon a time in a distant land by the name of Hyrule, there was a legend held dear to the Royal Family. The legend is of a boy named Link, a Child of Kokiri Forest. A boy with no fairy, everyday awaiting the arrival of his own. Link was an interesting boy, no fairy and his parents had died when Link was of a young age. His mother had run away and taken him to the Great Deku Tree, where she knew he would be safe...

"Navi, where art thou, Navi? Come hither.. Oh. Navi the fairy... Listen to my words, the words of the Deku Tree... Dost thou sense it? The climate of evil descending upon this realm... Malevolent forces even now are mustering to attack our land of Hyrule... For so long, the Kokiri Forest, the source of life, has stood as a barrier, deterring outsiders and maintaining the order of the world... But... before his tremendous evil power, even my power is as nothing... It seems the time has come for the boy without a fairy to begin his journey... The youth whose destiny it is to lead Hyrule to the path of justice and truth... Navi... go now! Find our young friend and guide him to me... I do not have much time left! Fly, Navi, fly! The fate of the forest, nay, the world, depends upon thee!"

As Link tossed and turned from his nightmare, he was stirred by the calling of his name...

"Hello, Link! Wake up! The Great Deku Tree wants to talk to you! Link, get up!" Navi shouted. Link shivered in his sleep, and Navi shouted once again, "Hey! C'mon! Can Hyrule's destiny really depend on such a lazy boy?" Link had then awoken from his sleep after five minutes of Navi's hard work.

"You finally woke up! I'm Navi the fairy! The Great Deku Tree asked me to be your partner from now on! Nice to meet you! The Great Deku Tree has summoned you! So let's get going, right now!" Navi informed Link. Link nodded and headed to the place of the Great Deku Tree. As soon as Link had stepped out of his house, he was greeted by his best friend, Saria.  
"Yahoo! Hi, Link!" she shouted. Link climbed down the ladder to greet her as well.

"Wow! A fairy!" Saria exclaimed. "Finally, a fairy came to you, Link! Wow! That's great news! I'm so happy for you! Now you're a true Kokiri, Link!" Link had told Saria about his summoning.

"Is that right? The Great Deku Tree has summoned you? It's quite an honor to talk to the Great Deku Tree! I'll wait for you here. Get going! Go see the Great Deku Tree!" Link then continued on his way to the Great Deku Tree, wondering why Saria exclaims way too much. Link had gotten to the pathway to the Deku Tree, but only to meet another obstacle, Mido...

"Hey you Mr. No Fairy! You can't come through here! Without a fairy, you're not even a real man! What?! You've got a fairy?! Say what? The Great Deku Tree actually summoned you? Whaaaaaaat?! Why would he summon you and not the great Mido? This isn't funny," Mido complained

"_I don't know, I think it's pretty damn funny,_" Link thought to himself.. Link continued to listen to Mido rant, "I don't believe it! You aren't even fully equipped yet! How do you think you're going to help the Great Deku Tree without both a sword and sheild ready?"  
"Well, 'Great Mido', you don't have any equipment either, so what makes you so special?"

"What? You're right, I don't have my equipment ready, but... If you---"  
"_Wow, he agreed with me.. I should take note of this moment..._" Link thought to himself as his mind drifted away from Mido's commands and interrogations.. Link finally snapped back after obnoxious screaming.

"HELLO!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! It's rude to stare off blankly into space when being spoken to by the Great Mido! I am honoring you by allowing you to stand in my presence, and this is the thanks I get?! Nuh uh! You need to give respect! Now, as I was saying, before I was so RUDELY interrupted! If you want to pass through here, you should at least equip a sword and sheild! Sheesh!"

After Mido was done ranting, Link had set off on his next, but small, journey: to find a sword and sheild.

"Hi, Link! Look this way!" an unknown voice shouted.

"Holy triforce, what the hell was that?!" Link practically jumped out of his boots and his kokiri hat..

"Look over here and talk to me!" Apparently there was some psycho girl on the top of the shop's awning.

"_How the hell did she get up there?!_" Link asked himself.. He decided he should talk to the girl so she'll shut up.

"It's so great that you finally have a fairy partner! I'll teach you how to talk to people using your fairy! When a fai---"  
"_I don't really care, I know how to talk... Ugh, all I here is blah blah blah, when is she gonna stop?!_"

"---Hello? Link? Did you space out? Haha, ok you're back. It's ok, I space out sometimes when I'm sitting up here.."  
"_I wasn't apologizing!_" He told himself.. Psycho girl continued, "When a fairy flies near a person or thing, look in that direction and you can talk to people from a distance, like we're doing now."  
"Ok, thank you Psy- I mean uh.. Thank you!" Link walked inside the shop, where there was a midget of a shopkeeper standing behind the counter. At the shop, they were selling a Deku sheild. Perfect, just what Link needed! He took a look at the price and...

"WHAT?! 40 RUPEES! THAT'S SUCH A RIP OFF!! I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING!! Can you give me a discount?" Link asked the midget.

"Yea-no!" he responded.

"_How rude!_" Link thought to himself, "_I'm going on a journey to save the Deku Tree, let alone the world, and I can't even get a disount on a sheild!!" _

_Considering his failed attempt to get a sheild, Link went to find rupees. He started to throw rocks around. It got his frustration out AND he got money (yes, you can get money from rocks and grass and other earthy objects). After about an hour of hard work (ok, maybe only 5 minutes), Link had enough rupees to buy the sheild.. Link went back to the shop and purchased the sheild, and then set off to find a sword. But how the hell was he going to get a sword?_

"Hey! Link! Up here!"  
"_Oh no, it's Psycho Girl again. What does she want now?_"

"Link! I heard that there is a sword, legendary to Kokiri Forest. It is called the Kokiri Sword, and only a true Kokiri may possess it. It is located somewhere in this village!"  
"_Yeah, and you seem to know everything except WHERE!_" Link thought to himself.

"Thanks, uh, girl!" Link then set off to find the sword again.

After ten minutes of roaming around, Link then found a hole in the wall by the sword training area. Link crawled through the hole and saw a giant boulder rolling toward him! Link quickly leaped out of the way, but then saw that the boulder had a specific direction in which it was traveling. Link decided to follow it. Link quickly turned the corner of the square path, following the boulder. Link then came across an opening to the side of the path. Worried about getting hit, he dove to the side opening and in front of him, he saw a chest. He opened it and a bright light shined through, revealing the legendary kokiri sword. Link ran back through the pathway and went to go see Mido, and rub it in his face. When Link got there, Mido was being as arrogant as usual..  
"Stop! You may not enter unless you have a sword and a sheild equipped! Eh, what's that?! Oh, you have a Deku Sheild... And what's THAT?! Is that the Kokiri Sword?! GOOD GRIEF!!! Well, even with all that stuff, a wimp is still a wimp, huh? I, the great Mido, will never accept you as one of us!" See what I mean by arrogant? Anyway, as he was saying, "Shoot! How did you get to be the favorite of Saria and the Great Deku Tree? Huh?! Grumble... grumble..."

After Mido's onslaught of complaints and arrogance, he finally moved aside and allowed Link to pass through.

"Thanks, Great Loser!"  
"No proble-- Hey, wait, GET BACK HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE, WIMP!"

Link headed down the path and three deku babas sprouted up from the ground. One slash of his new sword did the trick! Link then obtained a Deku Stick! What's so special about the stick, you ask? It burns and you can hit things with it, wow. Anyway, Link slashed through the other two deku babas and entered the realm of the Deku Tree...

"Great Deku Tree... I'm back!" Navi announced.

"Oh... Navi... Thou hast returned... Link... Welcome... Listen carefully to what I, the Deku Tree, am about to tell thee..."  
"_Well duh, I'm gonna listen. I had to get through that arrogant perv, Mido, and almost get hit by a self controlled boulder to get here. And almost get eaten alive by stupid carnivorous plants that make Deku sticks when you kill 'em._"_  
_"Link, art thou listening?"

"Yes, Great Deku Tree."  
"Thy slumber these past moons must have been restless, and full of nightmares... As the servants of evil gain strangth, a vile climate pervades the land and causes nightmares to those sensitive to it... Verily, thou hast felt it... Link... The time has come to test thy courage... I have been cursed..."

"_By what, an old english disease? Oh wait, I'm supposed to be listening.._"  
"I need you to break the curse with your wisdom and courage. Dost thou have courage enough to undertake this task?"  
"Yeah, I guess..eth..."  
"Then enter, brave Link, and thou too, Navi..."  
"HOLY CRAP! IT HAS A MOUTH!"  
"Navi the fairy... Thou must aid Link... And Link... When Navi speaks, listen well to her words of wisdom..." And that's where the journey began..

**What do you think? Let me know so I can tell her!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanx 4 the review, TS! I was hoping for more readers though... XD**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 2

At the front entrance, well, the mouth, of the Grea Deku Tree, Link darted in and didn't look back. He knew he had to do this. He looked around inside, and it was big. There was a cob web in the center of the floor, strong enough to hold him. Link looked up and all around, he did not want to climb the ladder inside of a tree.

"Ugh, how the hell am I supposed to get up there?! I wish I could just climb up walls.." Link walked onto the web, pondering what he should do next. But he felt somewhat strange. He didn't know what was wrong, but he knew something wasn't right. Navi then turned to look at Link.

"AHH!! LINK!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" Navi yelped, "YOU'RE A.. A... A.. A SPIDER!! AHHHHHHHH!! GET AWAY YOU VILE CREATURE!"  
"NAVI! It's still me!!! And speak for yourself!"  
"I'm sorry... Ugh, I hate spiders... But how did this happen? Let's go check out the web." Navi and Link approached the web in curiousity.

"Hey, I may not be the hottest guy, but I don't look that repulsive."

"Uch!" Navi scoffed.

"Link, you have the power to transform into other creatures. Using what surrounds you, you can and will transform into any animal that seems fit. The web that you were standing on, transformed you into a spider."

"Huh? I do not look like a spider, ok? I mean, come on! I think I would know if I looked like a spider, all right? I can figure things out for myself.." Link was having trouble understanding what was going on. First, he's off to save Hyrule and now he's supposably a spider?

"_I think my fairy is crazy. She thinks I look like a---_" "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link gazed in amazement into the water below the web. He was indeed, a spider.

"What the hell?! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!" Link looked at his 4 new arms and legs and sighed. Link headed up the wall to the first floor, passing all obstacles in his way. He got the slingshot from the room on the first floor, but didn't bother to shoot down the ladder. I mean hey, he could crawl. He then untangled the web on the bottom floor and crawled down. Being a spider made things a lot easier, because he could just climb instead of falling and loosing hearts all the time. He climbed up and untangled the next web and crawled down (again). Link came across the three Deku Scrub Brothers.

"You'll never defeat us. You'll never get out secret code!" Link just decided to cut the crap and threatened that he would entangle them in web if they open the door. The Deku Scrub Brothers decided to... cooperate... muffle screams They opened the door and Link then entered the lair of the Coup de Grace, Gohma. dramatic music plays

"Where the hell did that music come from, Navi?"

"No clue... You're the one with spider senses, you should know..."

"Ok, well, this is it! Let's go!"  
Link slowly enters the lair of Gohma. As soon as Link enters, he sees an eye on the ceiling. It was the eye of Gohma! Her eye was focused on Link, and wasn't about to look away.

"AHH!! IT BURNS!! NAVI, HELP!!"

"Shoot at it with your spider web! Hit it in the eye!"  
"In the eye? My pleasure!" Link shot it's eye with his web string. Gohma fell to the ground, and landed with a loud THUD!

"Quick, uhh, slash her eye with your sword!"  
"I'm a spider, I can't use a sword! I'm surprised this stupid backpack stayed on the whole time! That's is, I'm gonna do this MY way!" Gohma quickly retreated to the ceiling. Link followed, thanks to his new found spider powers!

"OH!! I CAN CLIMB UP ON THE CEILING, TOO! OH! WHAT NOW!" Link taunted Gohma. Gohma once again fell to the ground and Link kicked her in the eye. He let all his anger out, about Saria, about Mido, about Psycho Girl, about everything.. He continued to kick, until Gohma suddenly fell to the ground and disintegrated into a mysterious blue fire.

"Woah, where the hell did she go? Giant fat ass bugs like that don't just disappear!!"

"..." Navi wasn't surprised. After all, there are stranger things that she's seen...

"Navi are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.."

"Okkkk... Let's go into that creepy blue light!!"  
"Riiiiight..." Navi usually stays away from creepy blue lights, but she was ordered to accompany him, so she followed.

They were transported to where Link first met the Deku Tree.

"Hey Link! You're not a spider anymore! Isn't that great?!" Navi was happier now that her companion wasn't the a spider anymore.

"Aww! I was just starting to like spinning webs and climbing up walls! As soon as you like something, they just come and take it away from you again!" Link sounded more dramatic than the situation really was, but moving on.

"Oh goddesses help me.." Navi pleaded. They then realized that the Deku Tree had already began to speak.

"Thou has verily demonstrated thy courage... I knew that though wouldest be able to carry out my wishes... Now, I have more to tell ye, wouldst thou listen..."

"_No, I just kicked a giant bug's ass for no damn reason!_"

"Now...listen carefully ... A wicked man of the desert cast this dreadful curse upon me... This evil man ceaselessly uses his vile, sorcerous powers in his search for the Sacred Realm that is connected to Hyrule... For it is in that Sacred Realm that one will find the divine relic, the Triforce, which contains the essence of the gods... Before time began, three golden goddesses descended upon Hyrule. Din, goddess of power, Nayru, goddess wisdom, and Farore, goddess courage. Din, with strong arms, cultuivated and created the red earth. Nayru, gave spirit and law, and Farore's rich soul produced all lifeforms uphold law. These three goddesses created the triforce. The sacred triangles now rest at the Sacred Realm. Thou must never allow the desert man in black armor to lay his hands on the sacred Triforce..."

"_Well duh!_"

"Thou must never suffer that man, with his evil heart, to enter the Sacred Realm of legend... That evil man who cast the death curse upon me and sapped my power... Because of that curse, my end is nigh..."

"_For the love of Hyrule, will you stop speaking in old english?!_"

"Though your valiant efforts to break the curse were successful, I was doomed before you started..."

"_Yeah, you bet I'm valiant! Hey, wait a minute, I just risked my life to save you, and you're just gonna go ahead and die anyway!! Dude, that's just wrong.. I guess I should say something nicer than that though... uh... hmm..._"

"Oh, Great Deku Tree, thou mustn't go! Thy need thee!"

"Yes, I will pass away soon... But do not grieve for me... I have been able to tell you of these important matters... This is Hyrule's final hope... Link... Go now to Hyrule Castle... There, thou will surely meet the Princess of Destiny..."

"_Cool, I get to meet the princess! I have a meeting with royalty! YEHYA!_"

"Take this stone with you... The stone that man wanted so much, that he cast the curse on me... The future depends upon thee, Link... Thou art courageous... Navi the fairy... Help Link to carry out my will... I entreat ye... Navi... Good... bye...

"Let's go to Hyrule Caste, Link! Good-bye... Great Deku Tree..." Navi decided, she shall mourn his death another time.

Oh boy, it's the 'Great Mido' again.. Oh joy..

"Hey, Link! What did you do?! The Great Deku Tree... did he... die? How could you do a thing like that?"  
"_Oh no, here comes the ranting.._"

"HELLO!! DO I HAVE TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHAT ON MANNERS?! DIDN'T THINK SO! Anway, it's all your fault!!" Mido, being done with his time to time rants, had left for his home, and to probably stalk Saria.

"That arrogant perv.." Link had commented. And with that, they were off to see the Princess.

**So? How was it? O.O**


	3. Chapter 3

**thanx for the reviews, although i wish i had more.. when i get more reviews i'll post chapter 4!!**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 3

"Hey!" Navi screamed.

"AHH!!! Oh, what Navi?"  
"LISTEN! The Great Deku Tree wanted us to go to visit the princess at Hyrule Castle... Shouldn't we get going?"  
"_Thanks Navi, I heard him the first time. Where else did you think I was going anyway? To go talk to the arrogant perv?!_" Link thought to himself.. Yet when he spoke, it came out somewhat differently than he was thinking, "Yes, great idea Navi! Let's go!"  
Link and Navi ran to the opposite side of Kokiri Forest, which was the exit to Hyrule Field. The kokiri that was supposed to look really tough but was really a midget had moved out of Link's way so he could pass through. As Link was leaving, he heard a familiar voice...

"Oh, you're leaving..." Link turned aroung to see Saria. He slowly walked towards her.

"I knew... that you would leave the forest someday, Link... Because you are different from me and my friends..."

"_Yeah, you bet I'm different! I'm hot and taller than most of you little people..._"

"Hello? Link? Are you there? Oh, ok... Well, anyway.. That's ok, because we'll be friends forever... won't we?" Saria and Link took a moment to ponder this thought. What would happen when Link leaves? Could they still be friends, even though their paths seem to be so different? They didn't want their friendship to end... Not ever...

"I want you to have this Ocarina... Please take good care of it." Link looked confusedly at the Ocarina..

"_What the hell is an Ocarina?! Is that the thing that she thinks is so great? It doesn't look that great... Oh well, it's the thought that counts I guess... And that I got a present and Mido didn't! Nanananana Mido the Loser!! Haha.. yeah..._"

"When you play my Ocarina, I hope you will think of me and come back to the forest to visit." Link backed away slowly and ran. He realized what he was leaving behind. His friends, his home, his life.. Just to go out and save a world that was completely out of his control..

Link walked out onto Hyrule Field. He looked around and was able to see for miles. Link started to walk towards his destination, but still had second thoughts about leaving.

"_I'm such an idiot.. Why did I leave her? Why did I run away? She's my best friend... She probably hates me now.. She probably thinks I'm a jerk and that I want nothing to do with her.. She's probably going to go out with Mido now... NO!!! How could I be so stu---_"

"Hoot hoot! Link! Look up here!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! GIANT OWL!!!!!! No, wait, let me rephrase that... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GIANT TALKING OWL!!!!!!"

"Link, calm down, I'm sure that out of everything that you've seen, like carnivorous plants sprouting out of the ground and skull covered spiders, this would appear normal.."

"Hmm.. True.. Go on.."

"Anyway, it appears that the time has finally come for you to start your adventure! You will encounter many hardships ahead... That is your fate... Don---"

"_What? My fate? Encountering hardships is my fate? Wow, my fate sucks..._"

"Link? Hoot hoot? Ok, I need you to pay attention, I carry important news.. Anway, don't feel discouraged, even during the toughest times! Go straight this way and you will see Hyrule Castle. You will meet a princess there..."

"_Yeah, yeah, yeah.. I know, I've heard it all before... My meeting with royalty is soon to come now, oh yeah! What now Mido? WHAT NOW?!_"

"If you are lost and don't know which way to go, look at the map."

"_I don't have a map, what are you talking abo--- OH MY GOD! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?! I SWEAR, I DIDN'T HAVE THAT MAP BEFORE!_"

"The areas you have explored will be shown on the map. Look in the front pocket on your back pack to find the map. On the map, you will also see a dot showing you which way you should go next."

"_But how would the dot get there?! Well, I guess I have seen stranger things.. Moving on.._"

"Did you get all of that?"

"Noooo I didn't! What do you think?!"  
"Ok, it appears that the time has finally com----"

"NO! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC! PLEASE JUST SHUT UP! I GOT IT ALL!!"

"Oh, I apologize. I did not know. All right then, I'll see you around! Hoot hoot hoot ho!"

"_What did he just call me?! Ohhh, that's owl language.. My bad..._" The owl then extended its wings and flew away. Link stood there, confused.

"_What the hell just happened? Oh well, I have a meeting with royalty!_"

Link continued his journey to Hyrule Castle. He also decided to look around a little. Link walked a little bit left toward a red colored thing in the middle of a cluster of grass. He walked closer to examine it and...

"AHHHH!!!!" It popped out of the ground and began flying after Link.

"OH MY GODDESS!!! IT FLYS!!! HOLY CRAP!!! AHHH!!!!" Link ran away as quickly as possible. At one point, it stopped chasing Link and dug itself back into the ground.

"Ok, now I know what that is."

"Smaaaart. This is our hero of time?" Navi replied.

"Hero of wha---"

"Nothing.." Navi quickly responded.

"_He doesn't know yet... He doesn't... Hey, I can think! Wow, I'm this little fairy, and this is the first time I've ever had a conversation in my head! Wow! This is cool! I wonder if Link has ever tried this..._"

Night was rapidly approaching, and Link had no time to get to the castle. As soon as night fell, the draw bridge to the castle drew closed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" And just to make things worse, these freaky little skeletons popped out of the ground and started attacking Link. They weren't much of a threat because, they didn't exactly move too fast. So Link just walked around and waited until morning.

"COCKA-DOODLE-DOO!!!"

"Where the hell did that come from?!" Navi shrugged at Link's question and they headed towards Hyrule Castle. When Link walked into the town, he saw two gay looking twins wearing red and blue shirts with white pants. He also saw some dogs that looked like they were rabid, and heard a crazed chicken. He also saw, on the other side of the fountain, a little red headed girl.

"Hey, your clothes! They're... different... You're not from around here, are you?"

"Well, look at your clothes. I could easily say the same thing about you!"

"... Ohh... You're a fairy boy from the forest! My name is Malon! My dad owns Lon Lon Ranch! Dad went to the castle to deliver some milk, and he hasn't come back yet..."

"_What's a Lon Lon? People outside of Kokiri Forest are very strange... They wear oversized dresses and talk with strange accents... They are also easily amused when they see a fairy.._" Link saw a really pixelated view of the castle from where he was talking to Malon, so he once again, continued his journey.

As Link entered, he heard yet ANOTHER familiar voice...

"Hoot hoot! The princess is inside the castle just ahead. Be careful not to get caught by the guards! Ho ho ho hoot!"

"_What the... But how did he... But he wasn't... Whatever... And why is his head upside down?_"

"Link? Hello? Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine.. How did you get there?"

"Oh, I'm everywhere you are, Link.."

"Riiiight..." "_AHH!!! STALKER!!!_"

"As I was saying, on this ground, time flows normally. But time stands still while you are in Lon Lon Ranch or in a town."

"_WHAT IS A LON LON? AND WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THIS RETARDED TIME CHANGE?!!_"

"If you want time to pass normally, you'll need to leave town. Well, well, which way are you going to go now? Hoo hoo hoot! Do you want to hear what I said again?"

"No. Seriously, I got it all this time."

"Hoooo. You're a smart kid. Good luck, then. Hoo hoo." The owl once again, extended its wings, rose from its perch, and flew away. Link scurried around the corner when he came across a guard near the gate.

"So you say you want to see Princess Zelda, eh? You probably heard about her in town and decided you had to meet her... Well... Go home! Get out of here! The Princess would never grant an audience to the likes of you!"

"_Hey, buddy. If I wasn't here, your precious little Hyrule would be nada. NOTHING! I have a meeting with royalty! God, it's like no one knows I'm out to save the world... Sheesh.._"

"Dude! Ok, I don't care if you're listening or not, just leave! And I mean right now!" Link then walked away, wondering how he would get on the other side of the fence. He decided. He'll have to sneak in.

**PLZ REVIEW!!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**this is MissNavi speaking, and I hope you like Chapter 4 as much as envoy and i did! PS Envoy helped me write some of this..**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 4

Link searched for a way to sneak into the castle.. No luck. He decided to leave, when he saw vines climbing up the side of the rock wall. He then approached the wall, and began to climb.

"Yeah! Uh huh! Who's smart?! I'm smart! Oh yeah!" Link whispered softly.

"Please, I figured that out hours ago, and I'm a fairy! I could just fly!" Navi had been shouting, but compared to her size, shouting sounded like a whisper.

"Hmm.. What's this eye thing?" Link drew his sword.

"That's a--" Link hit the stone with his sword. Navi's tone lost enthusiasm,"--gossip stone..."

"Oh, then why does it tell time?"

"Because it.. Ah nevermind.." Navi already could tell Link's mind was some place else.

"_Oh Great Deku Tree, Link has the attention span of a magic bean. Are you certain that this is the Hero of Time?_"

"**_Yes, art thou questioning thy ability of thine Hero of Time? Navi the fairy, thou givest thy time. Thou shall see true strength.._**"

"_I miss you Great Deku Tree.._"

"**_Thou hast lived life.. Thou havest not regrets. Thou shan't grieve for thee._**"

"_Ok... Bye, Great Deku Tree.._" A tear fell from Navi's face.. Well, her glowing body. She had not felt sadness in the longest time.

"Navi, are you ok?" Link asked.

"Yes, Link, I'm fine." She looked at Link with pride. She's proud of who he is and who he was going to become- A legend.

"Why are you staring at me? And why are you crying?"

"Link, really, I'm fine..."

"Ok, now... Let's go!" Navi chuckled at his courage and curiosity.

"Umm.. Link? Don't you think we should wait until dark? Otherwise we might get caught.."

"Nonsen--" Link had been caught and got kicked out.

"GET OUT!"

"Ugh... Ok, I guess you're right, we'll wait until night fall.." Link and Navi once again climbed up the vines that were so convieniently placed where they were. Nightfall had come sooner than expected, as Link was shuffling around and picking up his pants. Or at least, I think he wears pants... He walked to the edge of the gate's roof, and saw a hole that led to a door. It opened up on the opposite side of the gate.

"Cool! Let's jump!"

"Umm, Link! There's a lad---" Link had already jumped, not realizing the ladder on the side of the wall.

"Owwwww... Stupid ladder.." Link walked out the door and silently crept up the small dirt path, leading to the castle. He had discovered a wall with bricks, slightly extruded from the surface of the wall. He climbed up the just as convieniently placed bricks and hopped over the top of the hill into the mote behind the guards. Link swam down the mote, and heard a loud snoring sound. Well, what do you know? It was Malon's dad.. Considering he couldn't get him to move, he decided to leave. He walked up to a guard so he was in plain sight and was kicked out. It was a lot easier and faster than walking back the whole way. When Link returned to the vines, he saw Malon standing near them, singing.

"Are you going to the castle, fairy boy? Would you mind finding my dad? He must have fallen asleep somewhere around the castle. What a thing for an adult to do! Tee hee! Oh yeah, if you'll look for him, I'll give this to you. I've been incubating this egg very carefully... Tee hee!"

"..." "_Great, NOW she tells me! Now I got to go back there and get his lazy butt up! Ugh, I hate these side quests, they are distractions from my saving the world journey! And my meeting with royalty!_" Link climbed up the vines again and ran to the hole in the gate wall. He had some trouble jumping in, he would always grab onto the other side of the hole.

"Just fall already!" Navi ordered. She was getting tired of this after 5 minutes of trying to jump in the hole.

"You know what, Navi?! I'll just go down the ladder!" Link climbed down the ladder and waited for nigthfall, which came rather quickly again. He then snuck out the door and ran toward where he had first seen Malon's father, the owner of Lon Lon Ranch.. Whatever a Lon Lon is... He heard Malon singing again.

"Wow, she sounds good.. I wonder where she learned that song.."

"OoOoOoO! Link has a crush!" Navi taunted..

"No I don't! I just said she sounded good, that's all!"

"Riiight, whatever you say Link... Whatever you say..."

"Ugh.." Link found her father again, but what was he supposed to do now?

"_Great, now I have this stupid egg and this fat, lazy guy that I have to wake up.. When will this egg hatch?!_" As Link pondered that thought, morning came and the egg hatched..

"Link, try using the chicken to wake him up!" Link then took out the chicken and...

"COCKA-DOODLE-DOO!!!" the chicken crowed..

"What in tarnation? Can't a person get a a little shut-eye around here?"

"_Dude, you've been sleeping for days... You passed a little shut-eye a while ago.._"

"Hello, and who might you be?" the strange man asked Link.

"I... Am... Link... Who... are... you???" Link spoke in a slow and steady voice so the man would understand.

"Yep, I'm Talon, the owner of Lon Lon Ranch."

"_What's a.. oh nevermind.._"

"I went to the castle to delived some milk, but I sat down here to rest, and I guess I fell asleep..."

"_Well no duh you fell asleep! You didn't need to guess at that!_"

"Malon's looking for you. She thought you were probably sleeping so she sent me up here to wake your lazy bu--- I mean she's looking for you..."

"What?! Malon was looking for me? I'm gonna catch it from her now! I messed up bad, le---"

"_You bet, you made me sneak up here, TWICE, just so i could get in the castle. I wasn't helping you... If I went around helping people all the time, then I would be a push over. I don't like push overs, ya hear?! Oh wait, this is a thought bubble... I'm not actually talking to him..._"

"Kid? Hello? Kid, come back! You're spacing out on me here! Anyway, I messed up bad, leaving Malon behind to wait for me! She's really gonna let me have it!" Talon then ran back to Malon, flailing his arms in fear.

"Hurry much? Well, let's go, Navi!"

"_How come it's never, I'm going to go, Navi. You stay here. Nope, it's always WE... Never ME... Well, him in this case..._" Link pushed the boxes of milk around until he was able to crawl inside the hole in the castle wall. He entered the castle courtyard, and saw guards guarding the way to the castle, so he had to go through puzzles without getting caught.

"_Wow, it's almost like they make it so if you're smart enough you can get right in! This is so easy!_" The next one had two fountains and two guards this time. He still passed it like it was nothing. The next one had stairs leading to a roof covered by leaves with a plank in the middle to walk across.

"_How much easier could this get?! They are so blind! Muahahahaha! I mean, uh, cool..._" The next puzzle had a monument with the triforce symbol engraved in the base. There were 2 guards in this one, but still easy. Finally, Link had gotten to the last puzzle, which he ran through so he could just talk to the princess.

Link entered the castle courtyard, where the Princess was peering through the window at Ganondorf and her father.

"! Who?! Who are you? How did you get past the guards?"

"Uh, yeah.. About that, your guard system isn't exactly state-of-the-art..."

"Oh? What's that? Is that... a fairy?!"

"_See what I mean? People are so easily amused by fairies..._"

"Then, are you... Are you from the forest?"

"Yeeees... Me... Green Dude... From... Pretty Forest..." "_You... Pretty Princess... Without... Date..._"

"Then... then... you wouldn't happen to have... the Spiritual Stone of the Forest, would you?! That green and shining stone... Do you have it?"

"No, what do you think?"

"Well, that's odd... I thought you might be the one from my dream... You really don't have it? Tell me the truth... Do you have it?"

"_Oh my god! People, and owls, are so gullible! By the way, I saw you last night in my dreams too, baby._" "Yes, I have it, I was being sarcastic.."

"What is, sarcastic?"

"... Nevermind..."

"Anyway, just as I thought! I had a dream... In the dream, dark storm clouds were billowing over the land of Hyrule... But suddenly, a ray of light shot out of the forest, parted the clouds and lit up the ground... The light turned into a figure holding a green and shining stone, followed by a fairy... I know this is a prophecy that someone would come from the forest... Yes, I thought you might be the one..."

"Oh, that's cool. Great.. I guess... Umm.. And you are...?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I got carried away with my story and didn't even properly introduce myself! I am Zelda, Princess of Hyrule. What is your name?"

"Uhh, Link.."

"... Link... Strange... it sounds somehow... familiar. Ok then, Link... I'm going to tell you the secret of the Sacred Realm that has been passed down by the Royal Family of Hyrule."

"Cool! I love stories!!"

"Haha, ok, Link.. Please keep this a secret from everyone... And please, no sarcasm?"

"Ok... Haha..."

"The legend goes like this... The three goddesses hid the triforce containing their power. The power grants the wish of one who holds triforce. If someone with a righteous heart makes a wish, it will lead to prosperity in our land of Hyrule. If someone who is consumed by evil makes a wish, there will be darkness and our world will end."

"_Oh, so she likes the bad boy type?_"

"The Sages built the Temple of Time to protect it."

"Really? So the entrance to the Sacred Realm is..."

"That's right... The Temple of Time is the entrance through which you can enter the Sacred Realm from our world.."

"_Woah... Where have I heard this before? Memory of Deku Tree comes up Oh yea... The dead thing! The one I killed a freakin' giant fat ass bug for and it went and died anyway!!_"

"But the entrance is sealed with a stone wall called the Door of Time."

"_Wait, it's a wall, that's a door... Woah... But if it's a door then you can't walk into it as if it were a wall.. So is it a wall or a door? I will never know..._"

"And, in order to open the door, it is said that you need to collect three Spiritual Stones. And another thing you need... is the treasure that the Royal Family keeps along with this legend... The Ocarina of Time!"

"_Ok, NOTE TO SELF: Get more sparkly rocks.. And what the hell is with these Ocarinas!! It's like a new trend! They're everywhere!_"

"Did you understand well the story I just told you?"

"No-- I mean, yes... Sorry, no more sarcasm..."

That's great! I forgot to tell you... I was spying through this window just now..."

"_More like 10 minutes ago, you talk that much..._"

"Link? Spacing out? Oh, you're back.. Don't space out on me like that, it scares me! Haha. Anyway, the other element from my dream... the dark clouds... I believe they symbolize... that man in there! Will you look through the window at him?"

"Depends, is he so ugly my eyes will burn?"

"Haha, Link. You're so funny!"

"No, I'm serious, answer the question.."

"Just look. Please, Link?" Link peered through the window at the Gerudo in black armor.

"Can you see the man with the evil eyes? That is Ganondorf, the leader of the Gerudos. They hail from the desert far to the west. Though he swears allegiance to my father, I am sure he is not sincere."

"_AHHHH!!! IT BURNS!!! SO... UGLY!!! I WISH I COULDN'T SEE HIM!! AHHH!!! NEED... HOTTNESS!!! Thinks of self Ahh.. Much better..._"

"The dark clouds that covered Hyrule in my dream... They must symbolize that man!"

"Don't you think you're jumping to conclusions?" Ganondorf then looked at Link and Link turned away.

"What happened? Did he see you?"

"Yes... It burns... His stare I mean.."

"Don't worry. He doesn't have any idea what we're planning.. yet!"

"_What? What? What? What plan? You didn't say anything about a plan! This is not in the contract! Oh wait, there was no contract.._"

"Well, did you tell your dad about your dream?"

"... Yes. I told my father about my dream... However, he didn't believe it was a prophecy..."

"I don't particularly believe in prophecies either, but I've had the same dream.." "_The same dream... We both had the same dream... But how.. How?_"

"But... I can sense that man's evil intentions! What Ganondorf is after must be nothing less than the Triforce of the Sacred Realm. He must have come to Hyrule to obtain it! And he wants to conquer Hyrule... no, the entire world! Link... now, we are the only ones who can protect Hyrule!"

"Uh, Princess... Babe... That's kinda what I was set out to do.. So like, ya..."

"Don't call me Babe! And please! Please help!"

"Ok, I believe you... And I won't call you that anymore..."

"Thank you! I... I am afraid... I have a feeling that man is going to destroy Hyrule."

"I am afraid of 'that man', too..."

"He has such terrifying power!"

"You tell it, sista!!"

"What did you call me?"

"Nothing, nevermind.."

"But it's fortunate that you have come... We must not let Ganondorf get the Triforce! I will protect the Ocarina of Time with all my power! He shall not have it! You go find the other two Spiritual Stones!"

"_Suuure... YOU protect the one you already have and I'M the one that has to risk my life to get these freakin' sparkly stones..._"

"Let's get the Triforce before Ganondorf does, and then defeat him! One more thing... Take this letter... I'm sure it will be helpful to you." DUN DUN DUN DUUUN!!!

"Where does that music always come from?!"

"That's what I wonder everyday..." Zelda replied. Zelda had given him Zelda's letter.

"_She gave me her number, right? Yeah, she digs me.. I got her numbe---- HEY!! This is just a stupid thing with an autograph... Damn..._"

**So... What did you think? Please, please, please review!!! PLEASE?! And, did I ask, please?**


	5. Chapter 5

**MissNavi: I hope you like chapter 5!!**

**WARNING: May use language suggesting sparkly stones. Side effects include obsession over sparkly objects and the need to burn flammable objects. If side effects occur, use extreme caution when around sparkly or shiny jewelery. If side effects become serious, ask your doctor about Shi---**

**Miss Navi: THIS IS NOT AN INFOMERCIAL!!! Anyway, before you read, please consider that I may decide to DISCONTINUE my story if no one reviews. If no one likes it, there's no point in continuing...**

**Link: Yes! Please review!! I have a feeling something good is gonna happen between me and Princess Hottie!**

**MissNavi: Psh, Link, in your dreams! But maybe something will happen between Link and Zelda, or Saria.. BUT ONLY IF YOU REVIEW! So... READ ON!**

**Link: Silently yay!**

**Miss Navi: Gags at Link's pervertedness **

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 5

As Link was leaving the courtyard, he was approached by Impa, Zelda's attendant. She had white hair and elf shaped ears. She also had red eyes and was in blue body armor.

"_This is Zelda's attendant?! She looks like she's a wanna-be world dictator! And look at how she dresses!! She must have some kind of influence on Zelda! What if Zelda starts dressing like that?! ... Actually, maybe that's not such a bad thing..._"

"I am Impa of the Sheikahs. I am responsible for protecting Princess Zelda. Everything is exactly as the Princess foretold. You are a courageous boy..."

"So I've heard..." "_A few million times!!_"

"Yes... You are heading out on a big, new adventure, aren't you?"

"Si, senor!"

"I'm a girl, oh courageous one.."

"I know that... Go on.." "_Actually, if Zelda didn't say it was a she, I wouldn't know if she was even human..._"

"My role in the Princess's dream was to teach a melody to the one from the forest. This is an ancient melody passed down by the Royal Family."

"_Well, at least now I'm gonna learn something on this damned thing..._"

"I have played this song for Princess Zelda as a lullaby ever since she was a baby... There is a mysterious power in these notes. Now listen carefully..." As Impa began to teach Link the song, Link wondered, "_What makes these stupid Ocarinas so special? So if I play this on the drums or the violin it won't do anything, but if I play the Ocarina it's all 'magical'? That's retarded... What makes the Ocarina so damn special?! It's not fair! I should protest! NO OCARINAS! NO OCARINAS! NO OCARI---_"

"Now you try.."

"Huh? What? Oh... ok, I'll try..." Link wasn't listening, so he tried the best that he can to play the song that he supposably just learned. Plays song horribly and completely out of tune

"No, try this.." Impa played the tune perfectly, and Link copied. The Ocarina started to sparkle.

Navi and Link in unison "OoOoO!! SHINY THINGS!!" Link had learned Zelda's Lullaby. It was the first song that he learned on his Ocarina, and he felt somewhat special.

"_Wow! I'm a musician! Chicks dig musicians, right? Yeahh! I bet Zelda digs musicians! She has her own Ocarina, maybe I can show her a few things some time... Yeah, she thinks I'm hot... Well, she has good taste, yeah!_"

"Hello? Link? Oh courageous friend of Zelda--"

"_Eh eh! You mean LOVER of Zelda... Yeah, because she digs me..._"

"--If the castle soldiers find you, there will be trouble. Let me lead you out of the castle." Everything went blank and they some how ended up outside Hyrule Castle town.

"_What the?? Huh?? But we were just... And then the white... And then here... And... whatever..._"

"You brave lad... We must protect this beautiful land of Hyrule! Take a good look at that mountain. That is Death Mountain, home of the Gorons. They hold the Spiritual Stone of Fire."

"Wow, sounds... Deadly..." "_Muahahahahaha! DEATH! MUAHAHAHAHAA! PLUS SPARKLY ROCKS!!! YAY!! FIIIRE!!!!!_"

"At the foot of Death Mountain you will find my village, Kakariko. That is where I was born and raised. You should talk to some of the villagers there before you go up Death Mountain."

"_I SHOULD... It doesn't mean I WILL..._"

"The song I just taught you has some mysterious power. Only Royal Family members are allowed to learn this song. Remember, it will help to prove your connection with the Royal Family."

"_Why do you keep calling them the 'Royal Family'? You might as well call them the 'Rich Snobs of Hyrule'. I mean, really! Ever hear of a last name? Those help, too!_"

"The Princess is waiting for you to return to the castle with the stones. All right. We're counting on you!" Impa then disappeared into a fairly loud burst of black.

"Where the hell did she go?"

"... I haven't talked for a while... That's new for me... Thank you for breaking my silence, Link."

"Wow, that's weird... You usually can't shut up... And you're welcome, Navi!" Link had an idiot grin on his face as if he really thought she was saying thank you.. Ugh, Link was so stupid... And will always be somewhat stupid... Attacking air with his sword and rolling into walls.. Getting kicked out by guards... Such stupid things the Hero of Time did... But what great things he will do..

Link wandered aimlessly for about five minutes, as always. I mean, what else was there to do? Go save Hyrule. That was all there was to do. And go get the fiery, red, sparekly stone. Link felt like taking a break for a while before he starts on the next half of his big adventure. He shuffled his feet and walked, and pondered the thoughts racing through his mind.

"_I wonder what Death Mountain is like. ---FIERY!--- It sounds somewhat pleasant.. ---SHINY!--- Oh wait, no it doesn't. It's death.. ---RED!--- Duh.. ---FIRE!--- Haha.. ---BUUURNS!--- Oh my god, where are those random--- SPARKLY STONES!!!!!---- thoughts coming from?! I'll see what Navi---- SHINY!!!! RED!!!! FIERY!!!! STONE!!!!--- wants to do... ---SHINY!!---_"

"Hey! What would Saria say if we told her we were going to save Hyrule?"

"_She'd probably think I'm so hot and manly.. Better than that Mido dude.. I'll save Hyrule and I'll be her hero.. And Princess Hottie's hero..._" Link began drooling over his strange, perverted thoughts.

"Link, what the hell are you doing?!" Navi's voice had snapped Link back to reality.

"Huh? What?"

"Was I boring you, Link?! Is that why you were drooling?! Hmmm?!"

"I was drooling? Psh, Navi, Navi, Navi. Dear, sweet, naive Navi. I am not a child, therefore, I do not drool."

"Whatever..."

"_DEKU TREE!! SAVE ME!! I think you have the wrong Hero of Time, this one drools! Heroes don't drool! Do you know if there's another Hero?_" There was no response to Navi's question. Apparently, the Deku Tree capability to communicate to Navi between the world of the dead and living has been cut off. But by what?

"_Uh oh.. This isn't good.._"

"Navi? Hello? HOLA?! NAVI?! EARTH TO OTHERWORLDLY ANNOYANCE!!"

"Huh? What? Oh, I'm sorry I was--- I AM NOT AN ANNOYANCE!!!!"

"I just wanted your attention, I didn't mean it."

"Yeah, suuure.."

"It worked, didn't it?"

"Ok, what do you want Link?"

"Where would Saria be? I need to talk to her."

"Go back to Kokiri Forest and ask around, maybe she'll be there."

"_Sure, I have to do EVERYTHING.. No one EVER knows anything that what make MY life easier.. Nooo... It's all me, me, me! Who cares about Link! He's a sucker, blah blah blah.._" Link headed back to Kokiri Forest and asked around. No one knew where Saria was. So Link resorted to his last option, which was a sure-fire ---FIERY!! SPARKLY!! SHINY!! STONE!!--- way of finding Saria. Mido.

Link slowly entered Mido's house, which reaked with the stench of 'The Great Mido.' Link spoke to him as Mido stood proudly and obnoxiously on his podium.

"Oh, 'Great Mido,' do you know where Saria is?"

"If you're looking for Saria, she's in the Lost Woods, as usual."

"Uhh... Dude..."

"Don't tell me you don't know where that is! The entrance is up on the cliff overlooking the village!"

"Uhh.. Actually.."

"I know you'll get lost! Don't worry, you'll end up back at the entrance! Harumph!"

"Actually, I wanted to know how you knew where she was... Are you like, a stalker or something? Oh wait, nevermind, I've already answered that question." Link ran out of Mido's house and heard Mido's screams of anger fading in the distance.. Link heard a couple of swear words, and Mido claiming he wasn't a stalker. Link also heard him screaming that he, the Great Mido, will admit he's gay.. Or maybe he said he'll make Link pay... Either way, Link didn't care. Linked hustled to the top of the cliff, where he found a cave-like entrance, with a sign that said, 'The Lost Woods.'

"Wow! That was convenient! I love those signs... They're everywhere.. They're like that owl dude.. Let's go, Navi!!"

"_What is it with you Kokiris and wanting to go into strange doors and lights.. God, if those blue lights actually WERE the transport to Heaven, like all those crazy, psycho people describe when they're back from a near-death experience, we'd be dead by now! Now I know what they mean by, 'Curiosity killed the cat..' But in this case it's, 'Curiosity killed the Kokiri..' Hahaha... That's funny..._"

"I said... LET'S GO, NAVI!!"

"HUH!! WHAT?! Oh, yes, we shall go."

"Ugh, you fairies and your listening skills.." Navi didn't want to tell Link how gay he sounded by saying that, but Navi couldn't deny the fact that he indeed, sounded gay.. Link had also noticed a gossip stone to his left near the edge of the cliff..

"_Must... resist... urge... to... strike... with... sword... grrrrrrr..._" Link fought the urge, but in the end, he ran over idiotically and stuck the stone with his sword..

"YAY!! TIME!! Haha, haha, haha, ahh..." Navi stared at him. She was scared by Link's strange, 2-year-old behavior. Link then picked himself back up and entered the Lost Woods.

As soon as he entered, he heard a strange melody. He followed the music, and turned right. There, he found a tree with a target on it. He aimed with his slingshot and got 3 bull's-eyes. Then a squeaky, deku-looking creature came out of the leaves sitting on top of the tree.

"Cool! You're great! You scored three perfect bull's-eyes! I have to give a neat present to such a wonderful person! Please take it!" the deku spit something out of his mouth at Link.

"_EWEWEWEW!!! IT SPIT ON ME!!! GET THIS THING AWAY FROM---- wow... it's... levitating... oOoOoOo... it's spinny.. but it's not shiny.. oh well.._" Link had obtained the Deku Seeds Bullet Bag. Whoopee. Now, on with the search. Link then turned left from where he entered. He was in another part of the woods, where there was a stone archway with a boulder next to it. He took a few steps into the woods and...

"Hey! Over here! Hoo hoo!"

"AHHH!!!" "_See?! HE IS EVERYWHERE!_"

"Link... Good to see you again! Listen to this! Hoot hoot..."

"_Listen to that? Hoot hoot? Oh, that's very nice.. Lovely, you should be the new Mariah Carey.._"

"After going through the Lost woods, you will come upon the Sacred Forest Meadow. That is a sacred place where few people have ever walked. Shhhh... What's that? I can hear a mysterious tune..."

"_Ohh... It wasn't the hoot hoot you wanted me to--- I get it now.. The tune thing... Wait, how dare he shush me! I wasn't saying anything!!_"

"You should listen for that tune too... Hoo hoo ho!"

"_No buddy, I'm not hoo hoo ho, I'm hott hott hottttt!_"

"Do you want to hear what I said again?"

"No dude, I'm cool."

"If you are courageous, you will make it through the forest just fine..."

"_I know, I am FINE! Yep, F-I-N-E, FINE! fine+hottLink.. yeeeaaaah... Oh wait, not that kind of 'fine..' Wait, I will make it through just fine? Not great? What's gonna happen? Am I gonna get eaten by like, a wolf thing or something? Psh, ya right.._"

"Just follow your ears and listen to the sounds coming from the forest! Hoot hoot!" The giant owl ascended and flew away. Link thought carefully...

"_What did he say? Oh well... Let's go... THIS WAY!_" Link went to the left of where he had entered, and guess where he was? Back at the beginning...

**MissNavi: I WILL post a Chapter 6, but if I don't get any reviews for either chapter 5 or 6, I am most likely going to discontinue the story..**

**Navi: HEYY!! NAVI'S MY NAME!! AND HOW CAN YOU DISCONTINUE?! WHAT ABOUT HYRULE?!?!**

**Link: FORGET ABOUT HYRULE!! WHAT ABOUT SARIA AND ZELDA?! THEY NEED A BIG, STRONG, MUSCULAR DUDE LIKE ME TO PROTECT THEM!!**

**Navi: WHO WILL STOP LINK'S PERVERTEDNESS?! YOU CAN'T DISCONTINUE!!**

**MissNavi: Guys! Relax! I'll only discontinue if I don't get ONE review from the time that I post Chapter 6 and a week afterwards...**

**Link and Navi: Oh, good...**

**MissNavi: PLEASE REVIEW!! Chapter 6 will probably be up within a week, so stay tuned!! fades to black**

**Link: WOAH!! It's dark.. HAHA! OoOoOoO!! NaVi! I'm A gHoSt!! OoOoOoO!**

**Navi: Oh Deku Tree, help me...**

**Link: If only Zelda was here... There are some pretty fun things you can do in the dark..**

**Navi: EWW! LINK YOU PERVERT! YOU SHOULD BE LOCKED UP SOMEWHERE YOU ANIMAL!**

**MissNavi: GOT IT COVERED! Locks up Link Link will be released when you review!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**MissNavi: THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!!! I shall continue the story!**

**Link: YAY!! Now... What happens between me and Princess Hottie?!**

**Navi: Her name is Zelda... Get that straight...**

**Link: Psh, I knew that Navi.. Yeah..**

**MissNavi: Riiight... Why did I make you so perverted?**

**Navi: THIS IS YOUR FAULT?! THIS... THING!**

**-Everyone looks at Link- -Link is trying to catch a butterfly; fluttering bye-**

**Link: Wow, butterflies are so colorful... And they just flutter on bye... I wonder why they're called a butterfly.. They're not made out of butter...**

**MissNavi: Link? Hello?**

**Navi: Hello?! LINK?! He won't answer...**

**MissNavi: Oh, wait.. I know.. LINK! ZELDA'S LOOKING FOR A DATE!!**

**Link: WHAT?! I'm outta here, bye!!**

**Navi: I better go get him before Zelda signs a restraining order against him..**

**MissNavi: Not yet... Wait until the end of the chapter...**

**Navi: Fine with me.. ROLL IT!**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 6

"DAMN! HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!" Link yelled in frustration.

"Link... It's the Lost Woods..."

"So?! I know the name of it Navi! What does that have to do with me getting los--- Ohhh... I get it now... I KNEW THAT!!"

"_Oh god... Link is so stupid.. I can't take this anymore..._" Navi was pushed to her limited. Link was THAT stupid. Link once again entered the woods, and attempted to find the Sacred Forest Meadow.

"_Now, what the hell did that owl tell me to find? The Secret Garden? I thought that was a book or something... Why would he tell me to get a book? I mean, seriously..._"

Link ran through the maze multiple times, and had never found the meadow. As Link was wandering aimlessly now, he wondered, "_THIS IS HOPELESS!! I've tried left, right, up, down! Actually, only left and right, but still! This is useless! I'm probably going to be ugly before I find the meadow! And that's a looong time.. I mean, I'm not even going in a specific direction, how am I supposed to find this mea---_" "AHHHHHHH!!!!" Link jumped back as a Wolfos sprung up from the ground and circled him; in position to attack.

"_OH MY GOD!! THIS THING JUST SPRUNG UP OUT OF THE GROUND!! IT'S LIKE, LIVING BUT IT ROSE FROM THE DEAD! OH, BUT IT'S GONNA BE DEAD WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH IT! I'M GONNA SHOW IT MY SKIZILLS! But being I'm SOOOOOOO hott, I could just burn him with my hottness.. Yep... I'm starting to overheat I'm so hot.. I'm so hot, I'm making this wolf pant.. I'm so hot, that his tongue is hanging down to the ground; drooling over my hottness... It must be a girl Wolfos... She's actually kinda cute.. If I was a Wolfos.._"

"_Link is considering dating a Wolfos... Oh Deku Tree, I think he's lost it..._" There was still no response from the Great Deku Tree. Link slashed the Wolfos when its guard was down and then finished it with one final blow. The gate had opened, due to the defeat of the Wolfos.

"Woah. How does this thing know I beat the Wolfos?"

".. No idea.."

"But Navi! You know everything!! You're like an encyclopedia with wings!"

"Riiight... But can an encyclopedia do this?" Navi flew over to Link and smacked him with her two little fairy wings. They maybe be small, but oh man do they hurt!

"_Daaaaaamn... She's small, but that little fairy got an ATTITUDE! I mean, really! How rude?!_"

Link continued through the maze that was the Sacred Forest Meadow. Fighting deku scrub after deku scrub, Link finally made it to a hall with a large staircase. He climbed up the stairs to find more deku scrubs..

"_Wow! It looks like these Deku scrubs moved in and got busy!!_" Link defeated them and climbed up the second staircase. He gazed in wonder at the forest temple opening, and sitting on a tree stump, was Saria..

"I've been waiting for you, Link! This is the Sacred Forest Meadow. It's my secret place! I feel..."

"_Like you want me because I'm so beautiful?_"

"I feel this plac will be very important for both of us someday. That's what I feel."

"_Oh, but I am pretty.. I am B-E-AUTIFUL BABE!_"

"If you play the Ocarina here, you can talk with the spirits in the forest. Would you like the play the Ocarina with me?"

" Sure, babe. Why not?"

"Ok, try to follow along with the melody I will play. Are you ready?" As Saria began to play the song, Link stared at her.

"_She is soooo hot... She's hotter than hot, she's spicy! Ohh yeah!_"

"Now you try!"  
"What? Huh? Ok..." Link attempted to play Saria's song, but had failed miserably.

"No silly! Like this!" Saria once again played the song..

"_She is soo hot.. I'd give anything to be with something that hot.._"

"Excuse me? Link?"

"Oh my god, did I say that out loud?!"

"Say what?"

"I'm sorry about that, I'll play the melody now.." Link played Saria's Song back, perfectly.

"Great! Great! Please don't forget this song! Do you promise?"

"Anything you say, babe."

"When you want to hear my voice, play Saria's Song. You can talk with me anytime..."

"_OoOoOoO SPARKLY!!! OCARINA!!!_" After Link had learned Saria's Song, he left the Sacred Forest Meadow. Link climbed up the ladder on the wall and hopped over the spaces in between the perfectly rectangular blocks of land.

"_What am I; a ballerina?! Why am I hopping and leaping across these things? I'm a hot dude, and dudes don't hop! Dudes drive fire engine red Ferraris that match how hot they are.. Except no car or color could ever match my hottness... Ssss.._" When Link had left, he was greeted by a familiar face...

"Hoot hoot!"  
"_God, damn that bird!!_"

"Did you learn an Ocarina song from Saria?"

"Yeess... How do you know that??"

"... That melody seems to have some mysterious power. There may be some other mysterious songs like this that you can learn in Hyrule."

"_Great, another Ocarina psycho... First Impa, and now this freaky owl who has yet to tell me his name!! But Zelda's not psycho, and if she is, hot psychos are hotttttttt.._"

"I recommend that you play a song you know. I also suggest that you play where ever. Just like this: Hoo hoo hoo hoot hoot hoot!"

"_Oh, I see you've been working on your singing voice. Now you beat Mariah Carey! Happy?!_"

"Do you want to hear what I said again?"

"No dude, I'm cool.." "_Why does everyone ask that all the time?! I mean GOD! You would think that they thought I was DEAF!_"

"_Why does he always say, 'No dude, I'm cool..'? What, does he think he's HOT or something? A mini perv like THAT? Psh nuh uh.._" Navi thought to herself.

"Melodies you have learned will be recorded. You should memorize those melodies." The owl quickly ascended and flew out of the Lost Woods..

"BUT WAIT!! YOU NEVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION!! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!"

"_I know everything.._" Link heard a voice inside his head.

"OH MY GOD!!! Did you hear that Navi?

"Umm Link, I think you need to check yourself into mental rehabilitation..."

"Nevermind Navi... Thanks.."

"If you're not sincere, don't bother saying anything.."

"Navi, are you ok?"

"Oh so if I'm not being an 'otherworldly annoyance' then something's wrong?! Is that it?!"

"Nononono.. I was just checking..."

"_Woah, moOoOoOoOod swiIiIiIings!_" Link then ran into a strange path way so he would return to Kokiri Forest. Luck was not on his side. Actually, I guess it was..

"WHY CAN'T I GET THE WRONG PATH?! Suuuure, when I DON'T try I get it right, but when I DO I get it wrong!! Fine, I will convince myself to get it right... I want to get it right... I want to get it right..."

"Link over here! This one's 'right'."

"I DON'T WANT THE RIGHT ONE! I WANT THE WRONG ONE!"

"JUST GO!" Navi pushed Link into the tunnel, and they were back in Kokiri Forest.

"I thought you said this was the right one, but you were wrong... YOU WERE WRONG! NANANANANANA!!!"

"_Oh Deku Tree, help me..._"

"_Oh no... Loosing... Strength.. And... Control... Of... Sword... Must. Slash. GOSSIP STONE!!_" Link ran over to the gossip stone once again and hit it with his sword. Link was satisfied, but the gossip stone was not..

"_You have struck me, therefore I shall seek enternal vengeance upon thee.._"

"WHAT THE HELL?! AHH! THE GOSSIP STONE DOESN'T LIKE ME!! WAAAAH!!

"_Shut your trap! I'm just kidding Link! But uh, don't tell anyone about this, ok?_"

"Yes Master.." Link bowed down to the gossip stone..

"Did I miss something? Link, it's a stupid gossip sto---"

"DO NOT INSULT THE MASTER!!!" Link snapped back.

"Okk then.. Let's go!"

"Yeyeyeye.. Yes Navi..." Link quivered.

Navi and Link had so many places to go, to see, to defend. After all, their journey has just begun, and is far from ending. Link was fairly concerned with the fact of changing species again, so he tried to stay away from strange, talking, mustachioed trees. Meanwhile, Navi attempted to connect to the 'other side' once more..

"_Great Deku Tree.. What is happening? Please, respond to my call.._"

"**_You have reached, 'the Great Deku Tree.' I am not here right now, so please leave a messa--- Navi? Navi the fairy, is thine there?_**"

"_Yes! Great Deku Tree! I am here! What is going on? Why can I not speak with yo---_"

"**_Navi, Ganondorf.. Strong power... Evil intentions.. Cannot say much... 'He' is listening... Goodbye, Navi the fairy.._**"

"Link, I think we need to move faster than we are..."

"Why Na---"

"Just do it. Go to Lon Lon Ranch, that's where Malon is."

"_Ugh... And that stout idiot Talon? Ugh.. This will be a loooong trip.._" Navi and Link decided to go to Lon Lon Ranch. Link stumbled out into the field, and once again saw the large, red, flying grass of doom. He ran past it, and toward Lon Lon Ranch. It had been night by the time he arrived, but he didn't care, he went in anyway. When he entered the field, he had been attacked by annoying birds with obnoxious, orange beaks.

"AHH!! THIS PLACE IS FREAKY! LET'S GO!! I'd rather fight the skeleton things!!" Navi and Link left Lon Lon Ranch, and returned in the morning.

In the morning, Link had once again entered Lon Lon Ranch. He heard singing, and recognized it as Malon's voice. He rushed to go see her, and on his way to the track, a horse had almost crashed into him. He felt like he was in Frogger, trying to get past all of these obstacles.. And he was even green! He ran up to Malon, who had a small pony next to her. That pony looked different from all of the others.

"Oh it's the fairy boy again! I heard that you found my dad! How did you like the castle? Did you see the Princess? Hee hee!"

"_I wish I could see MORE of the Princess, if that's what you mean.._"

"Dad came home in a hurry after you found him. Hee hee!"

"_It's probably because I'm so hot, that it scares old, fat, lazy idiots like him.._"

"Oh yeah, I have to introduce you to my friend, fairy boy!"

"_Is she a girl friend? Is she hot? I wish it was MY girlfriend..._"

"She's this horse. Her name is Epona. Isn't she cute?"

"Oh, it's not a human.. Yeah, real cute.." Link went up to see Epona, but she ran away.

"It seems like Epona is afraid of you.."

"Hey.. Um... What are you singing? I heard it before at the castle and it sounds nice.."

"My mother composed this song. Isn't it nice? Let's sing together."

"_Maybe I'll listen to that Stalker Owl for once and take out my Ocarina._"

"Oh, cute ocarina! Are you going to play this song with that ocarina?"

"_No, I'm gonna play it with my tuba that I have hidden somewhere in my tunic, kind of like where everything else seems to be.. And what is that obnoxious 'neigh'ing sound that's in the background?! That horse has nice rhythm though, very consistent.._"

"Ok? This is the Song..." She sang it beautifully..

"_Wow, is EVERYONE this hot? I mean seriously! First, Saria. Then, Zelda. Now, Malon?! How can I choose?! Well, maybe I can get all three, being that they think I'm so hot, they can share me. There's enough hottness to go around, plus millions more for all the other girls!_" Link played Epona's Song.

"_OoOoOoO! SPARKLY AGAIN!!!_" Link learned Epona's Song. Happy music played, and Epona responded to the call by coming over to Link and walking so much that she pushed him at least 10 feet, after she walked right into him.

"_Wow, that owl was right.. This must be one of the 'mysterious' songs that he was talking about. I still think he's stalking me.. He could be anywhere.._" Link looked around. Nothing... He saw, nothing.. Just a beautiful field, a beautiful sky, and----

**Link: And a hot babe!**

**Navi: I liked him better when he was locked up.**

**MissNavi: Once again, I got it covered..**

**Link: NOOO!! NOT AGAIN!!**

**-Link runs away faster than the speed of light-**

**MissNavi: Aww man! I missed him again!**

**Navi: Well hey, he's gone now!**

**MissNavi: Ugh, I'll go get him..**

**Navi: Noooot yeeet...**

**MissNavi: Eh, he'll be back next chapter... PLEASE REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Link: So what were you going to say? And what?**

**Navi: I would've wrote, 'and a big idiot.'**

**Link: Where was Talon?**

**Navi: ... That's the point.. He wasn't there..**

**Link: Then who was the idiot?**

**MissNavi: Um, before Navi has a spaz attack, I just wanted to answer Link's question. The 'and' part was for whatever you wanted it to be. Use your creativity, and expand your imagination!**

**Navi: You're starting to sound like a fortune cookie..**

**MissNavi: Not again!! Grr, I BLAME FORTUNE COOKIES!! I AM NOT CRAZY!! NOOO!!**

**-MissNavi is taken away in a strait jacket-**

**Link: Wow, for once I'm not the one being taken away..**

**MissNavi (as voice in Link's head): I wouldn't be so sure of myself if I were you. In fact, I control you.. You do as I say, when I say it.. MUAHAHA!!**

**Link: No.. This isn't happening..**

**-Link starts dancing and spinning in circles-**

**Link: Nooo!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! THIS IS TORTURE!!!!!!! PLEASE!! DO NOT SPEAK ANYMORE!! GO AWAY!!**

**Navi: Link? Are you like, schitzo or something?**

**MissNavi (as voice in Navi's head): Start the story, Navi..**

**Navi (Robotic Voice): On. With. The. Story.**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 7

Link was about to leave Lon Lon Ranch, but before he left, he decided to go check out some places there. First, he entered the stable, where he met the stuck up Ingo.

"I can't believe that I, the great Ingo, am working on this dump of a ranch! Because the owner is so lazy, I always have to do all the work around here! I, the hard-working Ingo, should be in charge, not that lazy bum, Talon!"

"_Woah, SOMEBODY needs to check into anger management.. This must be Mido's father... If it is, I can't blame Mido for the way he acts.. Or maybe I can.._" Then, Link went next door to see what was inside, when...

"CLUCKCACACACA! BRAWK! BRAWK BRAWK BRAWK!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Mumble...mumble... Huh? I'm awake already! What? Well I'll be! If it ain't the forest kid from the other day! By the way, thanks a lot for waking me up!"

"_I wasn't helping you, you were in my way you fat retard!_" "You're welcome Mr. Talon, sir."

"It took some doing, but I finally got Malon back in a good mood."

"_How did something SOO HOT, be born to something SOO UGLY! My god, seriously though!_"

"So, what are you up to today? Got some free time on your hands you say? Well how about a little game?"

"_Woah woah woah!! And I say, WOAH! First of all, I have to go save Hyrule, win the heart of Princess Hottie, although that's pretty easy because she already thinks I'm hot, and I have to go get these freakin' sparkly ---SPARKLY!--- stones... But I think I can squeeze you in, even though it must be hard for you to SQUEEZE into anything... Secondly, I didn't say anything about free time. Lastly, I am not a child and I don't play 'little' gam--- Who am I kidding, whatcha got?_"

"Sure dude. Whatcha got?"

"These three Cuccos I have here are special Super Cuccos!"

"_Yes, I know that you're a little bit cucco, but don't you think your the size of 4 cuccos? 3 doesn't seem like enough... Oh wait, you mean the chickens... Ok... I get it now.._"

"I'm going to throw these Cuccos into that there gaggle of normal Cuccos. If you can pick out these three special birds from among the normal Cuccos within the time limit, I'll give you something good.."

"_MALON?! MALON IS THE PRIZE! She's got something goooood all right.._"

"If you can't find them, I win. It'll be 10 Rupees... Want to play?"

"For Malon dude? Sure!!"

"Hahaha, you're a funny one, forest kid! You have 30 seconds! All righty then, get ready. Here go the Super Cuccos! START LOOKIN'!" Link scurried around to find the 'Super Cuccos.' Link eventually found them all, after about 2 trys... Ok, maybe it was 3.. 4...

"Hey, you! You've got the talent to be one of the world's best cowboys!"

"_Sorry, I'm not gay if that's what you're asking.. Go ask Ingo's son, Mido._"

"How'd you like to marry Malon? Huh?"

"I KNEW MALON WAS THE PRIZE! YES, YES, YES!!!! YES!!!!!!!"

"Haw haw! I was just kidding! Just kidding! I think you're a little young for that, aren't you? Haw haw haw!"

"_HOW DARE YOU DO THAT!! HOW DARE YOU KID ME!! I am NOT a little young for that! I may look young, but I'm not as innocent as I seem. And once I get Malon, she won't be too innocent either, heh heh heh.._"

"Oh...! I'm proud to present to you a sample of our very own Lon Lon Milk. You'll be energized the moment you drink it! After you drink it, you can bring back the bottle and buy a refill, anytime you want!"

"_OoOoOoO! LeViTaTiNg BoTtLe!!_" Talon quickly fell back to sleep, and Link was on his way to Kakariko Village. Link gazed at the village. It was beautiful.. And so quiant.. So peaceful... So----

"Hey!! Listen! Impa said that the Spiritual Stone of Fire--"

"_FIRE!!!_"

"--- is somewhere on Death Mountain."

"_DEATH!!! FIRE!!! BUUUURN!!! SPARKLY STONE!!!_" Link and Navi looked around town a little bit, only to find a fairly distressed woman named Anju, who had lost her 7 Cuccos..

"What should I do!? My Cuccos have all flown away!"

"_Well that's your problem babe.._"

"You, little boy, please! Please help me bring them back to this pen!" Link caught the first one by the entrance, and the second one near the pen.

"_Why is it always my job to hunt for the Cuccos? Why can't I hunt for the hotties? This village must have some... And I thought she wanted help catching them. So far, SHE'S NOT HELPING AT ALL!_"

"I'm still missing some Cuccos! Please round up five more!"

"_You've got your manners down, now you just need to do the helping part, instead of letting the volunteer work do everything.. Wait a minute, I didn't volunteer. SHE volunteered ME! Well, she probably wanted to check me out, and see how hot I was... That must be it..._" Link took a Cucco from the pen and used it to fly over and get the other Cucco on a ledge.

"My Cuccos have run away! Please help me bring the other four back to this pen! Please!"

"Nooo I'm gonna bring them to the other pen!"  
"Please!"

"I was being sarcastic, god..." "_Oh my god, I KNOW that your Cuccos ran away! You don't need to keep reminding me!!_" Link found another Cucco hidden in a crate, and used it to fly over the fence to obtain the other Cuccos near the windmill. When he got over the fence, Link threw the other Cucco that he used for flying over to the other side. He grabbed the Cucco on the other side of the fence and threw that one over, too. He carried the clucking, crazy Cuccos (hence, the name Cucco) back to the pen, one by one. It was a very long and tedious job, but he wanted it to be done with. He didn't even know why he was doing it.. As the pixelated feathers flew past him from the Cucco, he threw them into the pen.

"My Cuccos hav----"

"I GET THE POINT, GIRL!! Give me a break!" Link walked away from Anju the Cucco Lady, in search of the next Cucco.

"_Oh my god.. She has like, what? 7 Cuccos? She's like, the losers that become old ladies living with her 27 cats..._" "Now, where the hell is the next chicken?"

"Cucco, Link..." Navi corrected Link.

"What did you call me?!"

"No, Link. It's called a Cucco, not a chicken.."

"Cucco, chicken... SAME THING! They're both nuts.." Link found the next chic--- Cucco, by the entrance to the Death Mountain passage.

"_How did these Cuccos fly away in the first place, if they can barely fly off a cliff?! Ugh, glitchy Cuccos.._"

"My Cuccos have run away!" Link heard the sound of Anju's worried 'I-Lost-My-Cuccos' voice and cringed. He continued to listen to Anju, being that it was the last time he would hear the phrase, 'My Cuccos have run away!'

"Please help me bring the last one back to this pen! Please!" Link searched for the final Cucco, but it was nowhere to be found.

"Where is that stupid chicke---" Navi gave Link a look, as if to correct him.

"Cucco.. Where is that stupid.. Cucco.." Navi looked satisfied. Link decided to go back over the fence to find the Cucco. He noticed a ladder, and climbed it all the way to the top. And sure enough, near the top of the ladder, was the final Cucco.

"_HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!_"Link peered around, as if to find a large choir somewhere nearby. Navi and Link headed back to the Cucco Lady to return the final Cucco.

"Thank you for finding my Cuccos. I have allergies, so I get goose bumps when I touch them."

"_You're allergic to Cuccos, but you own them.. Well, you are what you own.. But some people are just born that way I guess.._"

"For helping me, I will give this to you. It's fine glass, and should be useful. Please take good care of it!"

"Oh boy! Another bottle! Thank you nice lady!"

"You're welcome little boy! Haha, have fun!" As Link walked away, he whispered to himself, "Another bottle?! What the hell?! What are these bottles for?! Maybe I can use them to shut Navi up"

"HEY! I HEARD THAT!"

"Uh oh..."

"LINK!!! OH BOY ARE YOU IN FOR IT!!!!" Navi flew after Link, and Link ran away. They ran off into the distance. Into the distance, which led to Death Mountain.

**Link: I hope Navi doesn't smack me again.. That really hurt when you smacked me several chapters ago!**

**Navi: I had to do it, you were being an idiot!**

**Link: What did you sa---**

**MissNavi: Cmon guys! Can't we all just get along? You know, because...**

**-MissNavi breaks out singing-**

**MissNavi: WE ARE FAAAMILY!!**

**Link: NOOO!! NO WE'RE NOT!!! THEN I CAN'T BE WITH ZELDA!! OR SARIA!! OR MALON!! OR ALL THREE!!! I prefer the last choice...**

**Navi: You have a sick and twisted mind. No comment.**

**Link: Oh? THEN WHAT WAS THAT, HUH?!**

**Navi: You know what that was? YO MOMMA!**

**Link: Oh no you didn't!**

**Navi: Oh yes I di-id!**

**Link: GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE---!!**

**Navi: TRY AND CATCH ME!! HEEHEEHEE!! SKLEE!**

**MissNavi: Ugh.. Umm... Review.. Please.. And uh, I'll make sure they're better next chapter..**

**-MissNavi yells at Link and Navi-  
MissNavi: GET BACK HERE OR YOU'RE BOTH GETTING A TIME OUT!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**MissNavi: Dun dun duuuuun! CHAPTER 8!! WOOT WOOT!!**

**Link: I think she should've stayed in the Happy House a little longer..**

**Navi: I agree.. Oh my god I did not just say that..**

**Link: Yes you did! That's because you liIiIiIike me! Because I'm hOoOoOt and, I'm really cOoOoOl, and you lOoOoOve me!**

**Navi: Oh shut up!**

**Link: Make me!**

**Navi: Do you WANT me to smack you again?!  
Link: Oh! Oh oh oh! Is that a THREAT?!**

**Navi: What do you think it is, little snot-green boy?!**

**Link: OH OH OH! OH YEAH LITTLE BALL OF LIGHT?! BRING IT!**

**Navi: IT'S BEEN BROUGHT!!**

**MissNavi: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT FIGHTING?!**

**Navi and Link: ... AHHH!! TIME OUT!!**

**-Navi and Link run away-**

**MissNavi: Now that THAT little problem has been taken care of, on with Chapter 8!**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 8

"Navi... Please... Can we... Stop... Now??" Link used the last of his energy to utter those 6 words. He was out of breath from trying to catch Navi.. Navi turned back to look at Link and shouted, "YOU'RE JUST TOO SLOW! YOU'RE NOT AS MANLY AS YOU THINK YOU ARE, ARE YOU NOW?! NO! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO HOT, BUT NOW YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF STEAM!! OHH! YOU'LL NEVER CATC-- OWW!" Being that Navi was turned around talking to Link, she flew backward right into the gateway to the Death Mountain passage.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Link was rolling on the floor laughing at Navi's embarrassment and pain.

"WHO'S THE SLOW ONE NOW, HUH?! CAN'T EVEN STOP YOURSELF FROM CRASHING INTO THE GATE!!! HAHAHAHA!!"

"SIR! If you don't mind, I'd prefer you not to yell in my ear, thank you."

"Oh, heyy.. Uh, dude. Can you let us through?" Link asked in his oblivious-to-the-world way.

"The road is closed beyond this point! Can't you read the sign over there?"

"Actually, I--"

"Eh? Oh, I see. You're just a kid, and you can't read yet. Ha ha hah!"

"_Oh no he didn't! I can probably read better than he can!! What the hell, YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIS EYES!! How can something as HOTT as me not know how to read?_" "Um, dude... Actually, I just didn't read the sign yet... So yeah..." Link scurried over to where the sign was pitched in the ground. The sign read,'Death Mountain. No passage without Royal Decree!'

"_OH! So THIS is why Zelda gave me her autograph! She'll probably give me the number later... She probably forgot to give it to me with the autograph.. But wait.. She's royalty.. Does royalty HAVE a phone number? Woah.. I never thought about that before... I'm a genius.._"

"YO! DUDE!" Link yelled to the Soldier. The Soldier pointed to himself and asked, "Me?"

"YEAH! YOU! COME HERE!" The Soldier briskly walked over.

"Sir, if you don't mind, I would prefer that you do not call me, 'Dude.'"

"Umm.. Ok then... Uh.. Yo, G, come here!"

"Ugh, yes sir?"

"Here G, read it and weep! Zelda's autograph, OH! I believe that is an AUTOmatic entry to the passage, because I have the AUTOgraph.. Haha, get it?"

"Riiight.. Oh, this is... This is surely Princess Zelda's handwriting! Well, let's see..." The Soldier began to read the letter.

"Hmmm... Ok..."

"_Why is this dude talking to himself? He's reading, reading is in your head! Psh, even I knew that.._" The Soldier read aloud.

"This is Link... He is under my orders to save Hyrule... Wah ha ha hah! What kind of funny game has our Princess come up with now?!"

"This ain't no game, G! Now I ain't playing witchu!"

"Ok, ok, all right. You can go now... Just be careful, Mr. Hero! Wah hah ha ha hah!" The Soldier hit the ground with his spear, and then gateway opened.

"By the way, Mr. Hero... If you're going to climb Death Mountain, you should equip a proper sheild! It is an active volcano, after all! If you go back to Hyrule Casrle Town Market, you should check out the Bazaar. They sell the sheild you need there. Tell 'em I sent you and they should give you a special discount! If you think you're good to go already, don't worry about it."

"Cool, thanks G!"

"Now, I'd like to ask a favor of you."

"_Oh great, no one ever tells me something unless there's a catch, or something's in it for them.. Selfish people.._" "What, in exchange for the 'tip'?"

"No, I don't expect you to do it just because of the great tip I just gave you! I'm just asking! Have you been to the Happy Mask Shop that just opened in the Hyrule Castle Town Market? Everyone is talking about it!"

"_Well I'm not talking about it! Therefore, I must be nobody! But I'm sooo hot, that they'll make an exception I'm sure..._"

"My little boy pesters me for a popular mask, but I don't have the time to go there..."

"_Well that's your problem!_"

"So, could you go and get the mask for me next time you are in the Market? If you don't feel like it, that's ok, but... Well, I have no choice, this is my job... ...sigh..."

"_Well, my job is to go save a bunch of stuck up people from a lifetime of misery and despair, and no one's helping me out!_" Link needed a stronger shield, so he headed back to Hyrule Castle Town.

Link made it in just as the gate shut, and he entered the town. He had to wait in the castle area, otherwise, no time would pass due to the screwed up time changes. As Link ran to the back of the town, he saw the two idiotic love birds; still dancing..

"_DO THEY EVER STOP?! I MEAN CMON! AT FIRST IT'S CUTE, BUT NOW IT'S JUST ANNOYING, AND THEY'RE SO OBNOXIOUS AND ARROGANT! THEY'RE LIKE MIDO IN A COUPLE FORM!_" Link entered the castle area, and waited.. And waited... And waited.. Link got so bored, he started shuffling his feet and picking up his pants, even though he had none. Just a tunic.. No pants.. Scary..

"Link, shuffling your feet around will NOT help you pass time.. Let's go back into the town and look around. The town must have SOMETHING different for the night!" Navi, without hesitation, flew back into the town before Link could respond.

"BUT TIME DOESN'T PASS IN THE TOW--- OH FORGET IT!!" Link ran after Navi, following her into the town.

"Look at all the dogs Link! They're soo cute!! Hi little doggie!!" Navi had approached a small, brown dog, which started to follow Link..

"Awww! You're such a cutie pie! Yes you are! Yes you--- AHHHHHHHHH!!" The small dog had started running after Navi; leaping in the air to try and catch her.

"LINK! MAKE IT STOOOOOP!" Link looked around for a few seconds, then looked at his nails to see if there was any dirt under them, being that he was on a long epic journey.

"I'm busy." Link said, inspecting his nails.

"LINK! HELP ME! NOW!! OR ELSE!"

"Fine, fine, fine!" Link whistled for the dog to come. The dog responded and obeyed Link's gestures and sounds.

"Thank you?"

"No problemo Navi.. Navi... Do you know what I just realized? It's night time.. In Hyrule Castle Town.. And at Hyrule Castle.. Zelda is probably sleeping right now.."

"EWW!! Shut up, Link!"

"WHAT?! I'm just saying..."

"Now CMON!! Let's go explore!" Navi flew around the town, in all of its nightly glory..

"Eh, Navi, it ain't that great.." Link and Navi first entered the Bombchu Alley.. They talking to the snoring lady who claimed that the Alley was.. closed... Navi and Link then went to the shooting gallery and when they tried to enter, a sign read that they were only open in the... day...

"Navi.. No place is open, and we're being followed by rabid dogs that we have to get rid of by climbing up the stairs.. This sucks.."

"NO IT DOESN'T! Let's try this place!" Link and Navi entered the Treasure Box Shop, where they found a shirtless man with many tattoos..

"_HEY! ONLY SOMEONE AS HOT AS ME CAN DRESS LIKE THAT! Well, NOT dress like that! He's all fat, and he's butchering the sexy, shirtless look that IIIIIIII created, thank you very much!_"

"Open the chest and... Surprise! If you find a Key inside, you'll be able to advance. Left or right-- try your luck! 10 Rupees to play. Do you want to try it?"

"Sure dude!" Link recieved a door key, which helped him get into the first room, but from there on, he was on his own. Link entered the first room and thought to himself as he opened a chest, "_Psh, I'm so hot, my luck is off the charts! I don't know what charts.. But I got a LOOOOT of luck! Not all of this hottness is just muscle, babe! I was BORN with a pretty face! Yep, I am pReTtAy!_" Link opened the chest and... RECIEVED A DOOR KEY!!

"Told you I was lucky!"

"Link, you didn't say anything.."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I di-- You know what, I don't have time for this.."

"_Oh Deku Tree, rid me of this nuisance.._" Link entered the next room, and tried the right chest again. He recieved... A DOOR KEY!! Again.. Link then entered the third room, which was an icey blue color, other than the emerald green color that was rather similar to Link's clothing. As Link opened the chest, he whispered, "I am soo lucky! No one's as lucky as I! I will go to the end!" He opened the left chest, and to Navi's surprise, it was the right one.

"_No way.. There's absolutely no way that he could've gotten this far!! Something's up.._" Link entered the fourth room, and became slightly worried about choosing the wrong one.. He decided to go for the right one.. (Right as in the direction, and of course he wanted the RIGHT one). Link crossed his fingers and... a rupee..

"Loser! You found five Rupees. Even so, you are not very lucky." A small sign that came out of nowhere said..

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY MUST EVERYTHING SO GOOD, GO SOOOO WRONG!!!!"

"_Hahahahaha... Link lost... The game called him a loser... Hahahahahaha._"

"It's because you didn't believe in nightlife! You didn't WANT to come here, so I had to MAKE you com---"

"SHUT UP NAVI!!"

"Make me!"

"No, not this again Navi. Come on, let's go." Link smiled politely at Navi, as he walked out of the room.

"_Wow, he took that really well. And I mean, REALLY well..._" Link ran back out into the castle area, awaiting the sunrise. Link looked up at the incredibly fast moving moon, and remembered his home. His friends, his life.. His simplicity, his innocence.. Ok, maybe not innocence.. But how easy everything was before his journey. He missed the simplicity in life..

"_I wish I could go home, and I never had to go on this trip.. I hate this, I want to go back to Saria, and my friends.. I want to go to my tree house, I want to kick Mido's ass... I just.. I want to go home.. But if I didn't go on this journey, I never would've met Zelda... OH YEAH BABY!! She's the second hottest person in the world of hotties, next to me that is.. Yep, maybe this journey wasn't a mistake after all... Maybe she'll fall in love with me, and then she's all mine.. And she'll do as I say!! MUAHAHAHA!! Woah, starting to sound a little like Ganondork there, or whatever his freakin' name was..._" Sunrise had come sooner than Link even realized. After the crowing of the Cucco, Link ran back into the town of cut-and-paste looking buildings. The town was once again full of life, although Navi was stuck in a slump of sadness...

"No more nighty bye time.. Night night go buh byez.."

"Navi... EARTH TO NAVI!! EARTH TO OTHERWORL---"

"I AM NOT AN OTHERWORLDLY ANNOYANCE!!"  
"How did you know I was going to say that?"

"Your predictability. I can predict everything that you will either say or do before you even do anything.."

"But th--"

"But that doesn't make sense..." Navi imitated Link.

"St---"

"Stop mocking me, Navi." Navi continued to copy Link. She then smacked Link in the head.

"Wh---"

"What was that for Navi?" Navi mocked.

"An---"

"Answer your questio--- DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!"

"But how did you---"

"Know that you were going to interrupt? I told you, your predictability.. That's also why I smacked you. I knew that's what you were going to do next."

"Come on, I---"

"Come on, I'm not that predictable!"

"NAVI!! STOP IT!!! NOW! THAT IS GETTING---"

"Annoying?"  
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

"Fine, I'll stop... Heeheehee.. Sklee.."

"Ugh, let's go now.." Link ran passed the girl chasing the 'Cucco' and the idiotic Mido-like couple that was STILL dancing.. He entered the Bazaar, to find a stout man with a vest on, revealing his rather disgusting beer belly and chest hair, which resembled and overgrown lawn.

"Welcome!" The bloodshot-eyed shopkeeper exclaimed. He warmly welcomed Link, so maybe he wasn't that bad after all. Link looked at the price of the sheild and..

"80 rupees?! THAT'S TWICE THE AMOUNT OF THE ONE I HAVE NOW! THE GUARD AT THE GATE TOLD ME ABOUT IT, HE SAID YOU'D GIVE ME A DISCOUNT!"

"Chill.. You heard about us from the guard at Death Mountain gate?"

"That's what I just said, is it not?"

"Well, I have to give you a good deal then!" The shopkeeper smiled a scary, idiotic smile. Link tried to smile back, but he was frightened by the shopkeeper's devilish red eyes, so he tried to place his focus someplace else.

"_Well, now I'm finally getting what I deserve!! An ACTUAL discount! Now I only have to pay..._" "75 RUPEES?!"

"I know, generous ain't it? Now, would you like to buy something else?"

"Uh, no thanks... Later." "_He ACTUALLY thought that 5 rupees off was a good DEAL?! I mean, CMON! You could've at LEAST taken 10 rupees off!_" Link left the Bazaar, dissatisfied by the expenses he had to pay, just to go save Hyrule. He had to fight AND afford to buy weapons and defense? Someone could at least give him some money... How is he supposed to do all of this on his own?

"Heyy! Link!"

"Uck, yes Navi?"

"Listen! The soldier asked us if we could go to the Happy Mask Shop for him and get a popular mask!"

"But I don't even know what masks are popular Navi!"

"Cmon Link! Please?" Navi attempted to do the puppy dog face, but didn't exactly work, being that she had no face..

"Fine, I'll go.." Link entered the Happy Mask Shop, to find a crazed man standing behind the counter.

"Hiyeee! Welcome to the Happy Mask Shop! We deal in masks that bring happiness to everyone!"

"_Nooo, I thought this place sold unicorns! And not all of them are happiness! Not in Majora's Mask they're not! Oh wait, that didn't happen yet.. Nevermind!!_"

"How would you like to be a happiness salesman? I'll lend you a mask. You sell the mask and bring the money back here.."

"_Oooooh... So you're in this for the MONEY... It SEEMS fun to others. To try something new, and sell masks! But you REALLY just want the money without doing the work, right?! IS THAT IT?!_"

"If you want to read the fine print, take a look at the sign right over there."

"_Oh no.. More signs... Ugh, that means reading.. Noooo..._"

"After you've sold all the masks, you will become happy yourself!"

"_Oh, so these masks must have a Zelda remote right? You know, with the buttons on it like: massage, foot rub, make out, shower... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooow yeah..._"

"Have faith..."

"Ok, cool, faith.. I'll remember that.. Now um, that Keaton Mask, yeah, how much?"

"You want to borrow the Keaton Mask for 10 rupees?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Link then acquired the Keaton Mask, and was finally on his way back from his long sidequest to get a freakin' mask... And a sheild.. But, he was finally about to climb Death Mountain.

**Link: DEATH!! FIERY!! STONE!! SPARKLY!! SHINY!! STONE!! PRETTY!! ZELDA!! HOTTIE!!**

**Navi: Oh no, he can go on like this forever..**

**-Link still talking-**

**MissNavi: Let him be, it doesn't matter..**

**Link: MALON! SARIA! DEATH!!**

**MissNavi: He's going to grow up to be some psychopath on the road to nowhere...**

**Navi: True dat..**

**Link: ZELDA HOTTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**MissNavi: Ok Link, that's getting kind of old now..**

**Navi: Just 'have faith.' Maybe he'll stop..**

**Link: SUPER HOT HOTTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**MissNavi and Navi: -Silence-**

**MissNavi: -Breaks Silence- THAT'S IT!!**

**-MissNavi grabs duct tape and tapes Link's mouth shut-**

**Navi: Hmmm... It still doesn't seem like enough... Tape him to that chair..**

**MissNavi: Good idea...**

**-Tapes Link's arms to the chair-**

**Navi: His legs too..**

**-Tapes legs-**

**Navi: Now for the final touch!**

**-Tapes 'DO NOT OPEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS' sign onto Link-**

**Navi: There! All done!**

**MissNavi: Cool... PLEASE review! No reviews no story. I am not considering discontinueing, but I am just saying that I may have to think about that (again) if I do not get reviews. I probably won't get up anymore chapters until after Christmas, so Link will probably be out of his 'wrapping paper' by then.. Adios peepsles!**

**Navi: HEY!**

**MissNavi: And fairies...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Link: MM! MM!**

**Navi: Awww.. Do we have to unwrap him?!**

**MissNavi: Think of him as... a christmas present!**

**Navi: This is worse than getting coal.**

**Link: MMMM MMM M MM MM MMM?! MMMM!**

**Navi: What was that?**

**MissNavi: Translated, that means WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?! NAVI!**

**Link: M MMMM! MMM MM MMMMM MMMMM'M MMMM! MMMM MMMM MM MMM MMMM MMMMMMM MMM!  
MissNavi: Translation: I know! Put me under Zelda's tree! That will be her best present yet!**

**Navi: Yes.. Then, you'll get a nice little present from her, known as a restraining order!**

**Link: MMMM MMMMM, MMM'MM MMMM MM MM MMM MMMM... MMMM MM MMM MMM MM MMMMM!**

**MissNavi: Translation: Then maybe, she'll take me to her room... Then we... can.. Ok, you don't want to know what he said next...**

**Navi: Maybe we should leave him under Zelda's tree..**

**MissNavi: Yeah, we'll be rid of him for a few hours...**

**Link: YAY!!**

**MissNavi: How did you speak?**

**Link: M MMMM'M.. M MMMMM MMMM MMMMMM..**

**MissNavi: Right... You can just scream... Now, on with chapter 9!**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 9

Link had arrived back at Kakariko village, only to find that Anju had lost her Cuccos again.

"Oh no... Not again..." Link didn't even bother helping her this time.

"_ALL OF MY HARD WORK! GONE! You know what?! I'll just take my anger out on these freakin' chickens!_" Link started to slash the Cucco with his sword. The Cucco crowed, and sounded fairly annoyed. After the fourth hit, something strange happened..

"COCKA-DOODLE-DOO!!!!!! BRAWK BRAWK BRAWK BRAAAAAAAAAAAWK!!!" The Cucco called the others and they all started to attack Link.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! RABID CHICKENS!"

"Cuccos Link.."

"DOES IT REALLY MATTER RIGHT NOW?! CHI--- CUCCOS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!" Link ran for his life into a nearby house.

"OH THANK GOD!" The Cuccos could not follow Link inside buildings, so he was safe. He decided to talk to the people inside.

"_Oh my god! Is this a circus or something? THERE'S A BEARDED LADY IN HERE!_"

"Hi, boy! Is this the first time you've visited this village?"

"No."

"A great woman, Impa, opened up this village to us poor folk."

"_Yeah, the ones that can't afford razors!_"

"Well, make yourself at home. The food isn't ready yet, though."

"_I was almost chicken food.. I hope they cook the Cuccos..._" Link took his chances and wandered back outside, where the flock of mentally deranged chickens had finally settled down. He headed up the stairs to where the soldier was guarding the Death Mountain passage.

"YO! DUDE!"

"Yes, Mr. Hero? WAH HA HA HAH!"

"_Yeah, SUUURE! Make fun of ME after I got YOU that freakin' mask that YOU wanted! Oh, yes, THAT'S REAL COOL DUDE! REAL COOL..._"

"I got you that 'awesome' mask, and I got that 'pretty' sheild, too. The discount was REALLY generous!" "_Yeah! 5 rupees off the orignal price! THAT'S REAL CHEAP!! -Scoffs- Psh, NOT!_" Link put on the mask and showed it to the Soldier.

"Wha-ha-ha-hah! Do you think you're in disguise, Mr. Hero?"

"Dude, you wanted me to get you the mask... So I did.. So.. You're welcome.."

"Oh? Is that a 'Kee...something...' character mask? I heard he's very popular recently? He's my boy's favorite. That 'Kee...something...' mask... If you don't mind... Will you sell it to me?"

"It's a 'Keaton' Mask.. Not a 'Kee... something...' And yes dude, that's WHY I'm actually talking to you!" The Soldier put the mask on.

"My boy will be very happy with this! You really are Mr. Hero! Wha ha ha hah!"

"Yes, I'm sure 'your boy' will be very happy..." "_What is this guy doing? Wearing the mask.. HE LOOKS LIKE AN IDIOT! OoOoOoO! I'm Mr. Strong Soldier Dude, and I'm disguised as a 'Kee... something...' OoOoOoO bE aFrAiD!_" The Soldier bought the mask for 15 rupees, which was 5 more than what he had payed for.

"_Haha! That soldier is such a sucker! He only had to pay 10 rupees!_"

"_Wha ha ha hah! That kid is such a sucker! Doesn't he realize this mask is worth 50 rupees?! WHA HA HA HAH! SUCKER!_"

"Let's go to the Mask Shop and pay back the mask price of 10 rupees." Navi suggested.

"Ugh, another side trip? How many are we going to take?! Fine, we'll make this quick!" Link and Navi headed back to Hyrule Castle Town Market... again... Link spoke to the crazed man behind the counter.

"Hey! I'm back! Did you miss my hottness? It must've been pretty cold while I was gone!"

"Oh god, save me," Navi begged.

"Oh, great! You sold it! Please pay back 10 Rupees for the 'Keaton Mask' now." Link payed back the 10 rupees.

"Bye bye money..." "_My favorite things in the world, Zelda and money. And they're both taken away from me! WHY?!_"

"Payment recieved! There is a new mask available for you to sell now!" Link took a look at the new mask, called the 'Skull Mask.' It looked how it sounded; it was a horned skull mask. The price was 20 Rupees, so he bought it.

"Navi, we are going to Death Mountain first! I am NOT going to sell this mask yet!"

"-Scoff- FINE! BE THAT WAY SNOT BOY!"

"... I'll pretend I didn't hear that you little buzzard.. Now let's go!" Navi and Link went back to Kakariko Village, again.. Trust me, this was it. They were going to climb Death Mountain. Link ran up to the gateway and up the passage. Finally. While avoiding the Cuccos, of course. As Link began to climb, he met up with some red colored tektites. He used his mediocre sword skills to defeat them...

"HA! TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND.. OW!!!!!! THAT HURT!! TAKE... THAT! OoOoOH! WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW, BITCH?!"

"LINK! Watch your mouth!"

"I'm sorry.. I was too excited.. I beat it!!"

"Well, here comes another one."

"DaAaAaAamn..." Link fought until they were all defeated, and sent to the fiery--- "_FIRE!!!_" ---depths of Hell.. Link continued up the trail, and saw a strange looking rock. He walked over to it and..

"AHHHH!! IT'S ALIVE!!" The strange rock stood up, and spoke.

"I am one of the Gorons, the stone-eating people who live on Death Mountain."

"_Well, you are what you eat, right? Am I right? YEAH! WHO'S RIGHT?! I'M RIGHT! WHO'S HOT?! I'M HOT! OH YEAH BABY!_" The Goron then poked Link, as if he was testing to see if it was safe.

"What are you doing... Rock thing?" Link asked in surprise that the large (well they are all fairly large) goron was still there.

"It's Goron, and you kinda spaced out on me there. Anyway, look at that huge boulder over there!"

"Yees... Boulder's are made of rock..." "_Like you..._"

"It blocks the entrance to the Dodongo's Cavern, which was once a very important place for us Gorons... But one day, many Dodongos suddenly appeared inside the cavern. It became a very dangerous place!"

"Dude, you're made of rock. Like they can do you any harm!!" Link knocked on the Gorons back to show how hard it was.

"OWW!! Goron dude! That hurt! See! They can't do you harm!" "_Why don't they just EAT the rock?!_"

"On top of that, a Gerudo in black armor used his magic to seal the entrance with that boulder!"

"OH MY FREAKIN' GOD! GANONDORK WAS HERE?! I outta kick his ass.. Threatening to destroy Princess Hottie's beloved Hyrule! I'll show him the ol' one-two!"

"Riiiight... If you want to hear more Goron gossip, head up to our city!"

"Don't mind if I do! Where is it now?" "_Oh no, there's more of them... I wonder if there are any cute goron girlies... I would guess they're pretty buff, being they're rock hard and all... Yeahh... Hottness..._"

"Goron City is just a little way up the trail. It won't take much longer to ger there, even on foot." Link began hiking up the long, drawn out path. As he walked away, he heard a loud yawn, and then a loud noise as if some one had dropped a 'rock' on the ground. He quickly turned around to find the Goron sleeping again.

"When are these dudes even awake?!"

"I don't know Link.."

"What was that?!" Link quickly looked around in shock that someone had responded.

"LINK! IT'S ME! NAVI! REMEMBER?! THE 'OTHERWORDLY ANNOYANCE'?!"

"Oh yeah... Sorry Navi, you haven't said anything in a while. I forgot about you."

"Oh gee, thanks!"

"No problemo Navi! Anything for you babe!" Link winked at Navi, almost to say that he was 'hott.'

"_Ewww... Link... Is... Soo... Perverted..._" Navi shivered at the replay in her mind of him referring to her as 'babe'. It scared the hell out of her. As Link traveled up the mountain, he saw more and more gorons. He even saw one rolling down the hill, who later crashed into a wall.

"Idiot..."

"Yes, you are Link.."

"HEYY!! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!"

"Well let's see.. You called me 'babe'. I have to listen to your perverted self 24/7. I have to HELP you. I have to--- You know what, it will probably be easier to say what you have NOT done to me.." Link was silenced. He continued up the trail, on which Navi followed. He heard a faint 'mooing' sound.

"What's mooing?"

"Mooing? I don't know Link, go find out your se---"

"OoOoOoO!! PRETTY CAVE!!!!!!!! LET'S GO INSIDE!!!"

"Oh god.. Help.. Seriously..." Link ran into Goron City, in his usual curious 3-year-old way.

"BOOM BOOM BOOM!!" Link entered to hear a loud banging noise. He walked out to the ledge of the floor, to see there were 3 other floors below him, one which was the bottom floor, and another that had a giant goron in a nonterminating roll. Link walked out onto the plank and tried to walk across the rope..

"Fall.. Fall Link.. Fall.." Navi whispered in Link's ear. He did, end up loosing his balance and falling.

"_How do these fat rock things get across these ropes, if something as buff and hot as me couldn't?_" Link climbed to the top, and tried to walk across the rope again. The second time, he made it across by walking veeeery slowly.. He talked to the Goron laying there.

"Hey! It's dangerous for a little kid like you to come out here! You might fall down!"

"Dude, I already did. It ain't THAT bad.. It's not like I broke anything.. As long as I have my hottness, it's all good.."

"If I'm not mistaken, you came out here to eat the red stone! Well, too bad! It's not here!"

"I didn't want to eat the--- DID YOU SAY RED STONE?!"

"Yess..."

"The.. red... fiery... sparkly... shiny... levitating... deathical... STONE?!"

"Yess..."

"Oh.. My.. God... Anyway, I don't want to eat it! What, do I look like some kind of Goron?"

"What? That's not why you're here? You're looking for a 'Spiritual Stone?' You must mean that delicious-looking red stone that was once displayed here!"

"Dude, did you like, eat it or something?"

"I was so hungry that I thought it would be ok to just give it one tiny little lick.."

"_Oh no he didn't.._"

"...so I snuck out here. But, it was already gone!"

"Oh good, I thought you ate it.."

"I think Big Brother took it away.."

"_Woah.. If HE'S a little brother, then how big is the BIG brother?_"

"He always says that everyone is after that red stone! Big Brother has shut himself up in his room saying, 'I will wait in here for the Royal Family's messenger!'"

"Yep, that's me dude! Sent directly from Princess Hottie herself!"

"Cool! You should go see him, downstairs.. Be careful getting down though!"

"Don't worry, Rocky. I will!" Link rolled off the platform and down to the ground.

"Now... What was that Zelda's Lullaby tune?" Link attempted to play it, but accidentally played Saria's Song.

"Oops.. Wrong one.."

"You want to talk to Saria, right?" Navi asked.

"Sure, I guess. I haven't talked to her in a while."

"Link...? This is Saria. Can you hear me?"

"Crystal clear, babe!"

"The forest is connected to many places! If you can hear my song, you must be somewhere that is connected to the forest!"

"_So I can see the forest hunnies anytime I want?! Sweeeeeeet..._"

"Bye Link!"

"NOO!! COME BACK!!"  
"Do you want to talk to Saria again?"

"Yes!! PLEASE!!"

"Fine, chill dude!"

"HEYY!! NAVI!! DUDE IS MY THING!!"

"Whatever.. You cannot own words."

"But it's not words, it's a THING!"

"Yes, but THINGS consist of WORDS!"

"Just drop it Navi.."

"Whatever, let me get Saria."

"The forest is connect to many places! If you can hear my song, you must be somewhere that is connected to the forest!"

"But wait, YOU JUST SAID THAT!!"

"Bye Link!"

"WHAT THE HUH! SHE JUST SAID THAT!! It's like she has nothing else to say! What, she doesn't want to talk to me?! Seriously, she just said tha---"

"Do you want to talk to Saria ag--"

"NO!!"

"Fine fine!"

"Umm, Link? I heard that.. I'm still here.."

"Saria?! I'M SOO SORRY!!"

"Maybe we're not as good of friends as I thought.. I'll talk to you later.."

"NOOO!! BABY!! COME BACK!!"

"Hahahaha HAHA... Saria no like Linky!"

"Shut up Navi!"

"Well, you got what you deserved!!"

"I guess this might be a good thing... Relationships with good friends usually don't work out that well... I can still have her... Sooo hott..."

"Ugh, this made things worse, didn't it?"

"For you maybe!" Link pulled himself together, and made sure that he played the correct song that time. The door magically opened, and Link stepped inside. Link stepped into a long hallway, with a lit torch at the end..

"_Oh no.. It's the light! Walk into the light..._" Link closed his eyes, as if he were going to heaven.

"Link.. Link... LINK!"

"OWWW!! Uh, yes?" Being that Link had his eyes closed, he walked right into a wall.

"I was going to say watch out, but too late now!"

"Thanks Navi..." Link sarcastically replied.

"Well hey! At least I thought to warn you!" Link turned to the right and screamed. There was a fat Goron, well, normal sized compared to how big they are, with a beard and crazy white hair.

"_So this must be big brother. Hmm.. He's not as a big as I thought he would be.. Not as big as that giant rolling one.._" Link went to talk to him.

"What the heck! Who are you?! When I heard the song of the Royal Family, I expected their messenger had arrived, but... you're just a little kid!"

"HEY!! BACK OFF DUDE! I AM THE MESSENGER!!"

"Has Darunia, the big boss of the Gorons, ---"  
"_Well, you are big all right..._"

"Hello?! NOW I don't get respect from mini pervs?!"

"Hey! How did you know Link was a perv?"

"AH HA! So you admit it!"

"Gee, thanks Navi.."

"Anyway, has Darunia, the big boss of Gorons -- NO BIG COMMENTS OR THOUGHTS PLEASE!"

"But how.."

"WHAT DID I SAY?! Now, have I really lost so much status to be treated like this by his Sworn Brother, the King? Now, I'm REALLY angry! Get out of my face, now!"

"Uh oh, I made the big dude mad. Why are you so pissed?"

"Are you asking why I'm in such a bad mood right now?"

"Uhhh yes?"  
"Ancient creatures have infested Dodongo's Cavern! We've had a poor harvest of our special crop, Bomb Flowers! Starvation and hunger because of the rock shortage! But... This is a Goron problem! We don't need any help from strangers!"

"Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me? Psh, you NEED my help! Trust me!" Before Link walked away, he decided to call Saria again for help. He played Saria's Song, and to his disbelief, the strange Goron began dancing. Link backed away slowly as the Goron got his 'groove' on. Darunia had also started making strange noises. They were almost as strange as he was..

"Oh! Oh-oh! C'mon! Come on! Come on! Come on! HOT!"

"_Yes, I am! Thank you for noticing! Although, it's kind of hard NOT to notice!_"

"What a hot beat! WHOOOAH! YEEEAH! YAHOOO!!"

"_Wait, did he call me a beet? Oh, he's talking about the song... Psh, he's to ugly to even know what IS hot!_"

"Hey! What a nice tune! Just like that, my depression is all gone! Something just came over me! I suddenly want to dance like crazy!"

"Umm yeah, wait until I leave first, if you don't mind..

"I am Darunia! I'm the boss of the Gorons! Was there something you wanted to ask me about?"

"Uh, the sparkly, fiery, red stone please?"

"What? You want the Spiritual Stone of Fire, too?"

"Ummm... The sparkly, fiery, red stone? Yes,"

"The Spiritual Ston eof Fire, also known as the Goron's Ruby, is our race's hidden treasure..."

"Cool, so just hand it over and have a nice day! Nice doing business with ya!"

"But hold on-- I'm not going to give it to you that easily. If you want it so badly... Why don't you go destroy the monsters inside of the Dodongo's Cavern and prove you're a real man? That way, everybody will be happy again! If you do it, I will give you anything you want, even the Spiritual Stone!"

"Cool!"

"I have something for you. I'm not really giving you this is return for anything, but take it anyway. If you wear this, even a little fella like you can pick a Bomb Flower." Link got the Goron's Bracelet.

"_Psh! I don't need help from this! I could've picked it up just using my pure, rock-hard muscles! YEAH! And who is he calling little?! But now I can cause MORE pain and destruction.. MUAHAHAHA!! Ooops, I'm supposed to be the good guy..._" "Now I can help save your little cavern!" Link left Darunia's chamber, and headed towards the exit of Goron City. On his way out, he got hit by the giant rolling Goron.

"OUCH!! CRAP! THAT HURT!!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Navi laughed.

"Umm... Navi? I'm starting to feel strange..."

"Well, you ARE pretty weird! Isn't strangeness required?"

"No.. I mean.. I feel strange.. Almost like----"

"OH MY GOD!! LINK!!" Navi stared at Link in disbelief. She stared in wonder, amazement, and in fear, of what he had turned into...

**-Knock knock-**

**MissNavi: Zelda! We have a present for you!  
Navi: You mean coal..**

**MissNavi: Shhh! She doesn't think that! Yet!**

**Link: MMM! MMMM'M MMM MMMM!**

**Navi: What did he say?**

**MissNavi: He said... Uh... I, Link, am an idiot!**

**Navi: I knew that! Psh..**

**Zelda: Yes?**

**MissNavi: MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

**Zelda: Oh! Thank you!**

**Link: M'M MM!**

**Zelda: AHHH!!**

**-Zelda drops Link on the ground-**

**Link: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!**

**Zelda: Why is it mumbling?!**

**MissNavi: Uhhhhhhh...**

**Navi: It's a... Voice.. Activated thing! Yeah! It talks! Now, uh, go! Shoo fly! Go have fun!**

**Zelda: Ok, bye!**

**Link: M'M MM!!!!!!!!**

**-Zelda closes draw bridge-**

**Navi: What did he say?**

**MissNavi: I'M IN!!!!!!!!!**

**Navi: Oh... Oh my god...**

**MissNavi: What?**

**Navi: HE'S GONE!!!**

**MissNavi: YAY!!!**

**-Faint yelling in distance from guard-**

**Guard: Princess Zelda, he cannot stay.. NOW STAY OUT!!**

**Link: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! GUYS! THEY KICKED ME OUT!!!**

**MissNavi and Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**MissNavi: Please review!**

**Navi: WE HAVE A CRISIS HERE! DO NOT REMIND PEOPLE TO REVIEW RIGHT NOW!!**

**MissNavi: Ok... -cough- review -cough-**


	10. Chapter 10

**Link: Now, you two are ok now?**

**MissNavi and Navi: Yes...**

**Link: Say sorry...**

**MissNavi and Navi: Sorry...**

**Link: Ok, no more cat fights.. I wish Zelda and Saria had a cat fight.. Over me.. In a mud pit.. Ohhh yeah!**

**MissNavi: Navi and I are ok, but you... I'm not so sure about!**

**Navi: Ew Link, you're the most disgusting and perverted male I have ever met!**

**Link: What?! It's not my fault they're so hot and can't resist me! Hottness is attracted to hotter hottness, which would be me!**

**-MissNavi and Navi nod head (or body of light) in agreement-**

**-MissNavi and Navi chase Link down and lock him in a cage-**

**Navi: THERE! Now THAT is where you belong!**

**Link: Hey! Let me out! Now!**

**MissNavi: Not until you stop being so perverted and sexist..**

**Link: Sorry Babe, I can't help it.. It's who I am.**

**MissNavi: Did he just call me... Uck, I think I just threw up a little..**

**Link: HEY!! Well, you don't KNOW hottness!**

**MissNavi: I do, and it's not you!**

**Link: Well, I'm hottness with a side of spicy!**

**Navi: Umm let's see... You're a disgusting... thing, with a side of pervertedness!**

**MissNavi: TELL IT SISTA!**

**-MissNavi and Navi high five each other-**

**Link: Ummm... When am I getting out?**

**MissNavi: When I get more reviews..**

**Link: OH MAN!! I'M GONNA BE IN HEAR FOREVER!!**

**MissNavi: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!**

**Link: Oh nothing...**

**MissNavi: I can do things to you Link..**

**Link: What are these things exactly? And can I do them with Zelda instead?**

**MissNavi: WTF! NO YOU PERVERTED ASS! Do you even know what happened to you in the last chapter?**

**Link: Oh hell no... Please no... Don't do anything you're going to regret later!**

**MissNavi: Oh, I won't regret anything! Now.. -Glares angrily at Link- Let's start Chapter 10, which completes my first 10 chapters! Yay! Now.. Here we go!**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 10

"I'm a... I'm a..."

"HAHAHAHAHA!! SO MUCH FOR YOUR HOTTNESS NOW!! GORON!!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY MUST EVERYTHING SO HOT, GO SOOO COLD!!!"

"You're a Goron, you're a goron! Nananana NAAA NAAA!"

"I suddenly feel... -loud yawn- sleepy..."

"WOAH! Link! Warn me next time you yawn like that! It looked like a massive earthquake was coming!" Before Navi was even able to get her message through, she heard a loud THUD! and turned to see Link, rolled up in a ball, asleep on the ground.

"Link the Goron! He's a moron! Because he's a Goron! And just a plain moron! And nothing can ever, and will never, change that!" Navi sang mockingly. Link was pissed as it was, but now he could roll around the city, and get places faster and easier than before. Link attempted to walk, but it only ended in failure.

"OH MY GOD!! These Gorons pull a lot of weight around here!"

"Yes Link, they have to do a lot! This is why you should appreciate them more!"

"No! I mean they pull a lot of WEIGHT around here! I can't even stand up! My legs aren't strong enough!"

"Well, you always did have the muscle of a kumquat.."

"Kumquat? Where did THAT come from?"

"Nevermind, just roll.." Link rolled out of Goron City, while Navi kept mocking him..

"Heads will roll!! HAHAHA!" Link just wished Navi would shut up. He was in enough pain as it was.. He rolled onto a little side path, and found a goron rolled into a ball, laying in the sun.

"I'm standing here to shade the Bomb Flowers from the sun. Do you have a question for me?"

"Uh, no... -Gulp- Brother..."

"Ok, bye!" Link picked up the bomb plant, with his newly tattoed and muscular arms, and threw it down to the ground to blow up the boulder. After he blew up the boulder, he rolled down the mountain into Dodongo's Cavern. When he entered, he heard loud flapping noises, and saw a rock door. On the sides of the room, he saw bomb flowers, which he used to open the door. Link rolled into the next room, which was at least ten times larger than the first one, in both length, width, and height.

"HEY! LINK! LISTEN! It looks like there are many lava pits around here, so watch your step! But wait, you can't step!! HAHAHA!! So.. watch where you roll!! HAHAHA!!"

"Oh no, you're starting to sound like that obnoxious Soldier.."

"So? You're an obnoxious... GORON!! WHAHAH---"

"Navi... No... That laugh... I LOST HER!!"  
"WHAHAHAHAH--- Oh no, you are right.. Oh my god, I never thought I would use those 3 words in a sentence when talking to you... Maybe I AM losing it.. I'll stop.."

"Good.. We're done now??"

"Yes.." Navi replied in a monotonous tone.

"Ok, now let's roll!" Link shouted enthusiastically. Navi snickered at Link's pun.

"_Haha.. ROLL.. I get it, because Link's a goron, so he ROLLS.. HAHA!_" Navi began softly singing Chamillionaire's song, 'Ridin'.'

"They see me rollin'. They hatin'. Patrollin' and tryin' to catch me riiidin' dirty!"

"Navi... What the hell are you doing?!"

"Uhhh... Nevermind that.. Please continue, 'rollin.'"

"_Navi is such an idiot.._"

"_Link is such a moron.. And moron rhymes with goron.. He's a moron, he's a goron... HE'S A MORONIC GORON!!_" Navi bursted out laughing, but Link ignored it and continued to 'roll.' Link stood up on his weak back legs, and picked up a bomb from a bomb plant..

"_Wow, now I know why these gorons always ro--_" Link had fallen down from the lack of support, and the bomb flew out of his hands. The bomb had convieniently fallen in front of a strange, yellow colored robot. The body waws exploded by the bomb and the head, which also exploded, blasted the rock that was blocking the door. He entered the area that was just blasted, grinning at his 'smartness.'

"_I am sooo smart! I figured that out all by myself! YES!! That was AAAAAAAAALL ME RIGHT THERE!! YUH HUH!! ALL THIS HOTTNESS, RIGHT THERE BABY!_"

"Link!! Snap out of it! Open the treasure chest!" Link rolled into the chest, and with the help of his new found strength, it opened.. He got the dungeon map! Whoopee!

"_A dungeon map? A DUNGEON MAP?! They made it all sparkly ---SPARKLY--- and shiny ---SHINY--- just for a stupid map?! I never use these things anyway!! What's the point?! Besides, how can something THIS HOT get lost?! I mean, come on!_" Link launched himself from the platforms to get across the lava. He blew up the other strange yellow things. Link thought it was fun blowing things up. He found another door that needed to be blasted, so the head of the yellow thing blasted it open for him. Being that he was a goron, he was getting too lazy to do it himself. He entered, well rolled, into the next room. There were baby dodongos everywhere; popping out of the ground and attacking Link. Link rolled over them. He realized that they blow up, so he got out of there as quickly as possible. He had a bit of trouble climbing over the ledge though, so he rolled over a dodongo and sat on it. It blew him up and over the ledge. He didn't even lose a heart, due to his hard, rock exterior.

"WOW! THAT WAS FUN!"

"Ugh.. Let's go now.." Link saw two statues, and rolled into them to push them. He moved it over the button, and used another dodongo to blast himself up onto the ledge. He walked through the previously barred door. The room he was in had two keese inside.

"_What is it with the number 2? Two statues, two keese... Before you know it, it will be two lizard thi--_" Before Link could even finish his thought, he walked into a room with.. Two lizard things.. He continued to roll into the two girl-like screaming lizards until they swapped. Eventually, they were both defeated, and the barred doors opened; allowing Link to roll through. Link entered a room with a bunch of adult dodongos. He kept throwing bombs at their tails until they blew up. He rolled into a new pathway, and sat on a button. A door on the other side had opened up, but the yellow things were back.

"_OH MY GOD!! I THOUGHT I KILLED THOSE THINGS!! This is messed up, dude.._" But before he left for the door, he bombed another slab of rock. On the other side, was none other than a gossip stone..

"YAY!! MUST... KNOW... TIME!!!!" Link looked at Navi with a baby goron face, as if he thought he looked cute.

"... Fine, fine!! GO AHEAD!!" Navi 'sympathetically' agreed.

"SKLEE!!" Link rolled into the stone, and it told the time.

"Man, I never get tired of that.."

"APPARENTLY!!" Navi shouted. Link rolled over to the next door, and entered. There was a rock wall, surrounded by bombs. Link set off the bombs, and they collasped the stairs.

"_EXPLOSION!!! WEEEE!!_" He had also spotted another door parallel to the stairs. He blew up the rock slab, to reveal another door. He rolled through and found 3 statues.. This couldn't be good.

"_Why are they all in a circle? And why--- oh my god.._" "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A statue had come to life and began to attack him. He used bombs to blow it up.

"Wow, that was easy!"

"Link, you're starting to sound like the Easy Button. Now available at Staples!!"

"And Navi, you're starting to sound like a COMMERCIAL!"

"Sorry.. Roll on.." Navi snickered, Link sighed. They moved on. Link found the compass in the treasure chest. Oh boy! They headed out of the room and walked up the stairs. Link had a little trouble. He kept rolling down the stairs from his weak legs. But he finally managed to get up.

"This is starting to look like the Deku Tree now.. WoOoOaAaAh..."

"Just go!!" Link rolled up the right staircase, but each led to the same place. He rolled into the web and knocked the spiders on the ground. He squashed them like the skull protected insects they are, and got some deku seeds and a skulltula token. He rolled into the door behind him to find statues. similar looking to the one that attacked him earlier, and two-- "_THERE'S THE FREAKIN' 2 AGAIN!!_" ---fire keese. He left the fire keese, being that they didn't effect him, and threw bombs at the statues. They attacked him, but to no avail. He threw more and more bombs. They kept attacking. Link later realized that if he just left them, they wouldn't attack.. Duh duh DUUUUH! Link stumbled onto a bridge, and rolled across. He came to a large gap, which he rolled across by rolling down the bridge at a high speed. He rolled into a room with strange spikey things on the floor. He simply avoided them, and he came across a block. He moved the block over to a platform, which had a treasure chest and a bomb plant. The chest contained a red rupee. Link threw the bomb plant at the rock slab door, and blew it up. Using his super goron strength, he pushed the block back in its place and climbed the ladder. He walked into a room with a fiery--- "_FIRE!!_" ---wall. He rolled through, knowing that fire didn't effect him, and he entered the next room. He fought the lizard things, and the door opened. He went in to find MORE fire walls. He proceeded to roll through the rooms, and came across a treasure chest. He opened it and found a bomb bag... Made from a dodongo's stomach.. Yay, how nice.. He rolled through and sat on a button which raised a platform. He also found a stone with writing engraved on it. It read, 'Giant dead Dodongo... when it sees red, a new way to go will be open."

"WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!"

"Don't ask me, YOU'RE the moro-- I mean goron.." Link shot down the two annoying, self resurrecting fire keese, and walked across the bridge. There were two--- "_GRRR!!_" ---openings in the bridge above the giant dodongo head. Link remembered the stone that he had read, and threw bombs into the eyes of the stone dodongo. After the bombs exploded in the eyes, the eyes turned red. The mouth opened, and Link rolled off of the bridge. He attempted to escape the Beamo's, uh, beam, but to no avail. He got hit in the butt once or twice. As Link rolled into the mouth, while rubbing his butt that had just gotten burnt.

"_Yeah, I know I'm hot, but I didn't mean THIS hot!!_" Link entered the next room. He banged into a ledge until it collapsed. He entered the next room, which had many blocks and some fire keese. How many fire keese? I'll give you one guess. Link rolled some of the blocks around until he was able to go in the next room. He reentered the room and rolled the block, as strange as that sounds, onto the switch in the middle of the room. The door opened.. The door, to King Dodongo.. Link rolled into the room and took the bombs from the treasure chest. He waited around for a while.

"Geez, when is this guy gonna show up?! I'm not gonna wait around forever just for some guy to come so I can kick his a--"

"Link, I think you need to bomb the floor."

"Oh, that would make sense." Link bombed the middle of the floor, and sure enough, it broke through.

"Well, we can always depend on Navi, now can't we?" Link said, sounding annoyed.

"SKLEE!" Navi cheered. Link bombed the brownish colored square in the center of the room. The floor fell beneath the bomb. Link rolled into the dungeon, and saw the great King Dodongo. Being a goron, Link couldn't throw bombs. So he rolled around the room, setting off all of the bombs. Eventually, the King gave in and rolled back into the lava, which had hardened over. Link rolled over to get the heart container. He glanced at the light.

"OoOoOoO!! MUST... HAVE... SHINY!!!!!!!!" Link idiotically ran into the blue light, which transported them back to the entrance of Dodongo's Cavern.

"LINK! YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE NORMAL!!"

"REALLY?! OOOOOOH YEAH BABY! THE HOTTNESS IS BACK!!" As Link celebrated his transformation, Darunia had fallen from the sky.

"It's me, Darunia! Well done!" Darunia gave Link a pat on the back, which made Link fall to the ground being that he was no longer a strong goron.

"Thanks to you, we can once again eat the delicious rocks from the Dodongo's Cavern until our stomachs burst!"

"_From the way it looks, that won't be too long from now.. And I tried those rocks.. Never again.. They were.. Uvuvuguh.. YUCK! It was like eating.. Well, eating rocks!_"

"What a wild adventure! It will make an incredible story..."

"_Yeah! How the Hot Hero saved the day! Hmm.. Hot Hero.. I like that.. It's the only title that's hot enough for me.. Yep, that's good._"

"I can't believe that the Dodongos suddenly appeared in such great numbers!"

"Ummm.. Dude? There were 3, which was about the only thing that wasn't two.. Then, there was a giant one that equaled about 5.."

"... Right... And that big rock blocking the cave..."

"_Oh yeah, blame the rock now!!_"

"All this trouble must have been caused by that Gerudo thief, Ganondorf!"

"_AH! Noooo! Correction! It is Ganondork I believe._"

"He said, 'Give me the Spiritual Stone! Only then will I open the cave for you!"

"_Well see, that's the NEGATIVE way of opening the cave.. You know, the LOSER way.. I use to polite and hot way. I got the ladies fallin' for me left and right! Yep! I'm so hot, they just be burnin' to have me!!_"

"You, on the other hand, risked your life for us..."

"_WHAT?!?! I COULD'VE DIED?!?!?!?! YOU SENT ME IN THERE AND I COULD'VE DIED?!?!?! Oy vey.._"

"Kid, I like you!"

"I... like you, too?"

"How's about you and I become Sworn Brothers?!"

"_Woooooah dude! Something this hot can't be related to something that hideous!_"

"No, there's no big ceremony involved! Just take this as a token of our friendship!" Link was given the Goron's Ruby.

"_SHINY!! SPARKLY!! FIERY!! RED!! LEVITATING!!! OoOoOoO! Wait, I wonder what he means by 'Sworn Brothers.' I will never know.. Maybe I don't want to know.._"

"Brother! You'll keep brushing up on your skills as you travel, won't you?"

"Si, senor."

"You should go see the Great Fairy on top of Death Mountain! She will power you up!"

"Power me up? Psh, I'm pumped already! LOOK AT THESE MUSCLES!!" Link flexed his 'muscles.'

"Hey, everybody! Let's see off our Brother!"

"Oh! Ok, adios everybody! Please, no autographs. I DO allow pictures though! Heyyy!" Link gave them a wink and a click with his tongue and began to walk off when.. Two other gorons fell from the sky.

"You saved us!"

"How about a big goron brother hug?" Link ran off screaming towards Kakariko village, when ANOTHER goron fell from the sky! They all started going after Link, looking like mindless zombies asking for hugs. Link ran up the hill towards Goron City, but he took a detour to Death Mountain. He blew up the boulders and climbed up the ledges, when he heard a mooing sound.

"THERE'S THAT FREAKIN' MOOING AGAIN!! GRRRR!! I SHALL GO SEE WHAT IT IS!!"

"Riiiiiight, you do that Link!!" Link blew up the boulder at the top of the hill to uncover a secret grotto. Link dropped down into the hole.

"Wow, it feels good to walk again! I mean really! Do you know how hard it is to carry all that weight around?!"

"... No comment..."

"I mean, it's not easy being THIS hot all the time! Seriously, it's like--- HOLY COW!! IT'S A COW!!" Link looked in front of him to see a giant cow, sitting in a grotto.

"Well, what else did you think was mooing? A Cucco?" Silence fell upon the grotto, and only a small chirping of crickets could be heard, and the pitter patter of the water leaking into the underground oasis. Link played Epona's Song for the cow. Shortly afterward...

"Moooooooooo! What a nice song... It reminds me of the pasture..."

"What pasture? YOU'RE UNDERGROUND FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

"That song makes me feel so good, I can produce a lot of milk!"

"Umm HELLO? TMI! Totally! That was like, TOO MUCH INFO!" Link commented very gayly.

"Uh, Link? SNAP OUT OF IT!" Navi smacked Link upside the head.

"OWW!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"STOP BEING A LITTLE HAPPY, GAY BOY AND LET'S GO!!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING GAY?! I'M NOT THE FAIRY, NOW AM I?!"

"I HAVE NO CHOICE, I WAS BORN THIS WAY!"

"YUH HUH, SO WHAT'S MY EXCUSE!"

"YOU'RE ARGUING WITH YOURSELF NOW DAMMIT!"

"OH YEAH?! WELL WHO SAYS THAT NOW?!"

"YOU DID!! YOU JUST--- Oh just forget it!"

"Mooo? Hello? Did you guys forget about little ol' me? Now, have some of my refreshing and nutritious milk!" The cow gave Link some milk, and they were on their way. On there way, to Death Mountain..

"_DEATH!_"

**MissNavi: Sooo... I GOT TWILIGHT PRINCESS! YAY ME!**

**Link: I heard I'm really hot in that game!**

**Navi: I heard I'm not in it..**

**Link: Wow, really?**

**Navi: Yep..**

**Link: That game just keeps getting better and better!**

**Navi: HEY! WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT ME!**

**Link: 1. YOU'RE A PEST! 2. YOU NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE! AND YOU JUST MADE ME DO A 'TWO' COMBINATION!**

**Navi: Then why did you let me come with you?! AND THAT'S THREE NOW, DUMB BUTT!**

**Link: I thought you would help, but that was my mistake!!**

**Navi: YOU JUST INSULTED YOURSELF AGAIN!**

**Link: Navi, I'm not stupid! If I insulted myself, I WOULD KNOW! I'm not THAT stupid!**

**Navi: YOU DID IT AGAIN! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THA--- OH NEVERMIND!**

**Link: Thank you! See, I'm smart.**

**-Link taps himself on the head with his finger to symbolize 'smartness' and accidentally taps to hard and hurts his head in the process-**

**Link: Ow!**

**Navi: Yeah Link. REEEEAL smart. Now, this is a tip to all of the readers out there. I am writing a guide book, called 'Navi's Guide To Link.'**

**Tip #1: Do not, under any circumstances, argue with an idiot. First, they bring you down to their level, then they beat you with experience!**

**Tip #2: Get to know the person before you go on a long, life-changing, world-saving journey with them. Especially if they think they're hot and want to get all the 'girlies.'**

**Link: WHAT?! They're hot! Oh, and that Ilia in Twilight Princess? DAMN, SHE IS FIIINE! I would like her with a side of champane, you know how frisky the ladies get. I like 'em frisky, risky, and fighting in a mud pit! RAAR! Heheheh..**

**Navi: EWWW!! WHAT THE HELL!! YOU ARE DISGUSTING, YOU ARE PERVERTED, YOU ARE---**

**Link: Hot?**

**Navi: NOOOO!!**

**Link: Well, you know I am. You know you want me. I am H to the O-T! HOT BABY!**

**MissNavi: Umm.. I'm just going to ignore him.**

**Link: You can't ignore me, because you want me.**

**-Link makes an egotistical you-wanna-kiss-me face-**

**MissNavi: Haven't you realized that everytime that you get this way, we lock you up?**

**Link: OoOoO! Lock me up, eh? Will it hur---**

**Navi: If you say ONE MORE THING, I will WRING YOU OUT LIKE THE DIRTY PIECE OF WASTED FLESH YOU ARE!!**

**MissNavi: He's getting really weird. Let's NOT lock him up this time..**

**Link: Awww, but there was a fun game I wanted to play..**

**MissNavi: Ewww.. Actually, let's get Ganondorf to lock up Dodongo's Cavern.. with you in it!!**

**Navi: YEAH!! Let's see what you do with those Beamos, burnin' you're butt with their laser beam! HAHAHA!**

**Link: Noooo!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! Noooo!! Noo! noo! no! no..**

**-Link attempted to make his voice echo.. He didn't do very well-**

**MissNavi: Ok... Link will be shipped off over there later, so when you review we'll let him out!**

**Navi: Please! DON'T REVIEW! IF YOU BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL N--**

**MissNavi: NOOO!! NAVI WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!**

**Navi: I'm sorry.. -cough don't review cough-**

**MissNavi: Please review! PLEASE! Don't listen to Navi, or else I won't continue the story! And I wrote a Twilight Princess one on my regular fan fiction.. The story's called The Legend of Zelda: Betrayers.**

**Navi: But.. But.. But I won't be in it.. :(**

**MissNavi: Miracles happen Navi..**

**Navi: Then why is Link still here?**

**MissNavi: ... Anyway.. Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**MissNavi: Heyy guys! Sorry it's taking me so long to update! I've been so into my new story, The Legend of Zelda: Betrayers, and playing Zelda: Twilight Princess. It may have not been a long time for some people, but for me it seems that way.. Sooo ya..**

**Link: You say 'sooo ya' a lot..**

**MissNavi: That's because I usually don't like ending sentences just like this.**

**Link: Why?**

**MissNavi: I don't know, I just don't like doing that, sooo ya...**

**Link: -cringes- grrrr. I HATE THAT!!**

**MissNavi: Oh really? I'm sorry about that, soooo ya...**

**Link: GAH!**

**Navi: Now instead of locking you up, we'll just say that. Sooo ya..**

**Link: STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**MissNavi and Navi: Sooo ya...**

**Link: NOOOOO!!**

**Navi: Wow Link, I'm impressed! You haven't said anything perverted yet!**

**Link: Oh yeah... And that bothers you two.. Right?**

**MissNavi: NOOOOOOO!! Navi!! Why did you have to remind him!!**

**Navi: Oh snap! I AM SO SORRY!!**

**Link: Oh my god Zelda's so hot!!**

**MissNavi: Woah.. Did he just call... Zelda by her first name????? Not Princess Hottie???? IT'S A MIRACLE!!**

**Link: Well, I'll call her that now! Thanks for reminding me!**

**MissNavi: Crap.. Sooo ya.. -has evil revenge look on face-**

**Link: NOOO! FINE, I WON'T! JUST STOP!**

**MissNavi: Heeheehee... Now, Chapter 11! Sooo ya...**

**Link: GAH!!**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 11

Link began walking down the path to Death Mountain. As he was walking, he heard loud sounds, almost as if meteors were falling to the earth and pounding on the ground. Actually, it was a pretty close guess.

"NAVI!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"

"LINK! THE VOLCANO'S ERUPTING! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! Oh wait, I'm a fairy so I won't! SKLEE!" Navi had a smile on her face. Link might die from an erupting volcano's flaming volcanic rocks that are falling from the sky.

"AHH!! IT'S RAINING EXTRUSIVE IGNEOUS ROCK!!" Link screamed in fear, although it was kind of long to say if you were in danger and didn't have much time to say much of anything.

"Where did you learn that from?! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU KNEW WHAT 'ROCK' MEANT EXCEPT FOR THAT THEY ARE THE ONLY THINGS INSIDE YOUR HEAD!!'

"Science class..?"

"YOU DON'T GO TO SCHOOL!!"

"Oh yeah.."

"That's probably why you're dumber than rocks," Navi muttered to herself. Link had gotten hit by a large flaming rock while talking to Navi.

"OWW!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT NAVI!!"

"What did I do?!"

"I WAS TALKING TO YOU SO I WAS DISTRACTED AND THEN I GOT HIT BY A FLAMING ROCK!! THANKS!!"

"I was just doing my job.. No proble--"

"Now let's go!!" Link interrupted. They attempted to walk up the rest of Death Mountain. "Wow, now I know why they call it 'Death Mountain,' being that I just almost died and all.."

"Yeaaaahhhh.." "_Too bad he didn't... The world would be so much better if Link just died.. But being that he's the hero of time that seems a little odd.. But nonetheless, life would be better without Link.._" On the way down the path, Link had gotten hit by a few more boulders. He finally made it to the end where he had to shoot two spider skull things.

"OoOoOH!! WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW?!"

"Link... Stop... Now..." Navi commanded fiercly. Link climbed to the top of the mountain where the owl was waiting for him.

"HOW DID YOU GET UP HERE SO FAST DUDE?!"

"I've been waiting for you for days now Link.. And I have wings.. You do not. But you've done well to come all the way up here, Link. This is the summit of the sacred Death Mountain! Hoot! It is said that the clouds surrounding this peak reflect the condition of Death Mountain. When they look normal, it is at peace." Link looked up. Dark clouds circling around the top of a volcano did not look normal for Link, so he just assumed the freakin' owl's point was that they were in danger.

"Climbing all the way up here just proves how smart you are!"

"OHHHH!! HEAR THAT NAVI?! I'M SMART! OH YEAH!"

"Umm.. Link? TALK TO THE OWL NOT ME!"

"Link, are you paying attention now? I have something of the utmost importance to tell you."

"Yeah, sure dude. Go on."

"Now I want to see you make another smart move..."

"_Hmmm.. Which way is smart? Up, down, right, or left... I'll move right and see what he says.._" Link moved to the right. When that didn't seem to get the owl's attention, he moved left. Then up. Then down. Then Link ran around and around in circles.

"Link, please pay attention. If you want to 'bust a move,' please do it on your own time.."

"BUT YOU WANTED ME TO MAKE A SMART MOV--- Oh wait, you didn't mean literally did you?"

"No. Now, the Great Fairy lives on this mountaintop."

"_Well DUH! That's why I'm even UP HERE!_"

"And she will give you a new skill! She is the leader of the fairies, you know. Hoo!"

"_Why are you asking me 'who'? You just said you knew who she wa--- Oh wait, the other 'hoo' that you annoyingly say all the time.._"

"I will perch here and wait for you. When you're ready to go back down, I can help you! Now, get going!"

"_Ok! Jeez, so bossy!!_" Link blew up the bombable wall that led to the Great Fairy's Fountain. He walked in and played Zelda's Lullaby, and a slu--- I mean, a woman with very revealing clothes, arose from the water.

"_DAMN! I wish Zelda would dress like that!_" She also had three long ponytails of pinkish red hair coming out of her head. It looked so unnatural, which was strange for a fairy that practically dressed in leaves and mud.

"Welcome, Link! I am the Great Fairy of Power! I'm going to grant you---"

"Three wishes?! Oooh baby! First, I want Zelda to start dressing like you. Well, considering you barely wear anything, I want her to NOT dress, like you don't. Second, I want Zelda and Saria fighting over me, and I mean OVER me. And third, I want Zelda to make out with me with just a string bikini in between us!"

"Ummm.. No Link... I was going to grant you a sword technique."

"Oh... Ok... Thank you?"

"Receive it now!" The sl-- fairy uncrossed her arms and legs and floated in the air. She did some magical I'm-giving-you-power thing. "You mastered the secret sword technique of the Spin Attack!"

"_But I never even tried it!_"

"When you charge power for a Spin Attack, magic power will be consumed. Pay attention to your green Magic Meter!"

"But where is it--- WOAH HOW DID THAT GET THERE?!" His backpack had felt slightly heavier. He looked inside to find the meter.

"Hey, boy! You're a messenger of the Royal Family, aren't you?"

"Well, DUH!"

"Next time you're in their neighborhood, you should drop in on a friend of mine who lives by Hyrule Castle."

"Drop in on? Ok I will!"

"She doesn't mean it literally Link."

"... She'll surely grant you another new power!"

"Cool, I like power.. Muahahaha!"

"When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me."

"_Psh, like I'M every WEARY! Not even battle can make something this hot and strong weak! I am hot baby! Besides, I need strength to keep up with my hot babes, Zelda and Saria. They're a workout, but they are sooooooooo worth it!_" Link kissed his 'muscles' and walked off as the maniacally screaming... uh, 'fairy,' disappeared back into the water. Link ran outside by the stalker owl. He saw another opening in the wall, so he walked in. Little did he know, he had just entered Death Mountain Crater.

"Link! It's hot! We can't stay here long!"

"But I'm hotter right?"

"NO!! And you're hottness won't be here very long if you get burned in here!" Link opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but Navi got in a few more words before he did, "NO I AM NOT SAYING YOU'RE HOT!" Link shut his mouth and no longer had the need to speak. Link walked back outside and heard the crowing of a rooster.

"COCKA-DOODLE-DOO!!"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Link screamed at the chicken who apparently could not hear him. Link ran up and talked to the owl.

"Hoo hoot! Well, it looks like you've grown up a little from the Great Fairy's power..."

"_But it's only been an hour.._"

"But you still don't really look like the hero who will save Hyrule."

"_Well gee, thanks for the support.. Like it or not I AM THE HERO THAT WILL SAVE HYRULE! THE HERO HOTTIE! MMHMMM! THAT'S RIGHT!_"

"At least not yet! If you are going back down the mountain, I can lend you a wing. Come here and grab my talons!"

"Uhh dude, don't you think that's a little weird??" Link walked over to the owl and held onto his talons.

"And hold on tight! Hoo hoooooooot!" The owl flew him over Death Mountain and past the rolling Goron. They turned around to view Death mountain, and flew right into Kakariko Village. The bird had dropped him off on a roof top.

Link sarcastically said, "YEAH! THANKS! REALLY! DROPPING ME OFF ON A ROOF TOP!! WHAT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU?! YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY FRIEND!" Link heard a familiar sound... Cuccos. And their worrying, sneezing owner. Link knew what roof top he was on. He jumped off the roof onto the ledge above Anju's pen of self escaping Cuccos, and walked inside a hole in the second floor wall. He found a cow, and a heart piece! Dun du-du-du DUUUUUN! MOOOO!! There was strange music celebration music playing in the background as Link collected the heart piece, and the cow wouldn't stop mooing.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP! Freakin' no good cow..."

"MOOOOOOO!" The cow sounded really pissed off. It kicked Link out back onto the ledge outside with its hind legs. Link walked back in to get his bottle refilled with milk. The cow had completely forgotten that she had just kicked him out. Link played Epona's song for her and she refilled it.

"GOD! Cows are idiots..."

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Miss Moo, that's what I named her, was getting very mad, so she kicked him out again. This time, she kicked him all the way off the ledge.

"DAAAAMN! That cow's got an attitude problem!!" Link heard the crazed Cuccos again, and Anju's annoying voice.

"What should I do!? My Cuccos have all flown away! You, little boy, please! Please help me bring them back to---"

"NO CRAZY LADY! I AM NOT HELPING YOU AGAIN!! I GOT ATTACKED BY YOUR FREAKIN' CHICKENS BEFORE!!"

"Little boy, they're Cuccos."

"WHATEVER THE HELL THEY ARE!! THEY ARE SOME DEFORMED LITTLE MANIACAL CREATURES FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL! NOW I AM NOT FINDING THEM FOR YOU AGAIN!!" Anju started to cry.

"Ok... I'm sorry to disturb you, little boy.. I just miss my Cuccos is all.." Anju gave Link a look saying that it was all his fault she was crying. But Link had a soft side.

"Ok.. I'll find them.. Again.."

"YAY!" Anju cheered like a little girl.

"Just don't call me a 'little boy' again.."

"Ok then... Big boy..."

"_OoOoO. I like the way she thinks..._" Link ran around town and caught the Cuccos again. After he found the Cuccos, he walked into the freaky House of Skulltula. A freaky dude came down from the ceiling.

"AHHHHHHH!! ITS A FREAKY GENETIC MUTATION!!"

"Link, WHERE are you learning all these words!!"

"We all look like this because of the spider's curse."

"AHHH!! IT SPEAKS!!"

"If every Spider of the Curse in the entire world were destroyed, the curse would be broken. When you destroy a Spider of the Curse, a token will appear. Collect it as proof of your achievement."

"Killing spiders is an achievement? Really? Wow, I like this! Continue Mr. Mutated Spider Kid."

"Ugh... Go on.." Navi sighed. "_Link and his insensitivity. Oy vey..._"

"There is a number next to the spider icon on your Quest Status sheet. The number indicates how many Spiders of the Curse you have destroyed so far."

"_Just say spiders!! It's not that hard!! And when the heck did this sheet get here?!_"

"When that icon is displayed next to the name of the area on the Map, there are no more Spiders in the area. Look for them not only out in the open, but also inside the dungeons."

"What's in it for me?"

"Of course, this is just our dream... You don't have to do it if you don't want to..."

"Ok, maybe I won't!"

"If you break the curse on my family, we will make you very rich..."

"Hmmm... Reconsidering... How rich?!" The spider did not answer Link. Link ran around the room to find many cursed Skulltula kids. Link had no idea where to go next, so he decided to sell the mask he had gotten. He searched around the town, and finally decided to go to the graveyard. He found a little kid sulking around.

"Little kids can't go on the 'Heart-Pounding Gravedigging Tour' descirbed on the sign."

"_Wow... Sounds like fun.. Gravedigging.. Finding bones of dead things and such everywhere.. Reeeal fun.._" Link sarcastically thought to himself.

"Since I can't do that, I'm just imitating Dampé the gravekeeper all day. But with my cute face, I'm not heart-pounding at all, am I?" Link began to walk away when Navi had an idea.

"HEY!"

"Yes, Navi?"

"LISTEN! You should sell the mask to the cute little boy!!"

"But.. But I wanted to... Oh fine!"

"Wait, what did you want to do??" Navi asked curiously, and she also sounded a bit scared to find out.

"Oh nothing!" Link quickly replied. Link put the mask on and showed it to the little kid.

"That's not very different from Mr. Dampé, is it?"

"Nope! It's a horned skull mask!" The little kid stopped talking to Link and walked away.

"Navi! What went wrong?"

"I don't know.. He seemed to be the perfect customer.."

"Except maybe he doesn't have any MONEY!"

"Maybe..."

Meanwhile, Link's 99 rupees were burning a hole in his wallet, so he looked around town for a place to spend it.

"THERE'S NO PLACE TO SPEND MONEY AROUND HERE!! Let's go to Hyrule..." Link began angrily muttering something, but he was so quiet that no one could understand what he was saying. On his way out, he slashed a chicken in anger. Then another angry flock had flown after him like they had a few days ago. Link ran out of the village and to Hyrule as fast as he could. He heard the happy peppy music and started square dancing.

"Link... What are you doing..."

"Oh, I was... umm.." Link had realized he was still dancing. He had stopped immediately afterwards. Link ran into the Hyrule Castle area and went to visit the next Fairy. He climbed the conveniently-placed pixelated vines and ran across the top of the cliff. He jumped down off of the small cliff-like piece of land and went over to where the boulder was blocking the fairy fountain. Link blew it up.

"YAY!! EXPLOSION!! EXPLOSION GO BOOM!"

"LINK! SHHH! Someone might see you!"

"Oh right... Shh Link... Shh.. Bad me.." Link punished himself by 'zipping' his lips shut.

"Ugh, help me.."

"OoOoO!! I WANT UGGS! They're nice and furry and---"

"What did I say about screaming?! And are you gay or something?"

"WHAT?!" All the soldiers looked at him and he got kicked out.

"NAVI! Why didn't you tell me about screaming?!"

"I DID TELL YOU! YOU WERE JUST TOO STUPID TO LISTEN!" Navi retaliated.

"Anyway, it would be a CRIME for something THIS hot to be gay! What a disappoint meant to all the hotties like Zelda and Saria that wouldn't be able to have me because I was gay! I mean, seriously! Listen to this!" Link wet his finger and put it to his butt. Link made the Ssssss sound, as if it were actually sizzling. "See?! I'm sizzling I'm so hot! I'm so hot, you could cook an egg on here!" Link smacked his butt.

"Ummm.. First of all, I don't think anyone would want to. Second of all, you made the sizzling sound your self, and thridly, EW!" Link attempted to enter the fountain again without getting kicked out. His second attempt had suceeded. As soon as Link entered, he saw green fire. Link walked up the the triforce platform and played Zelda's Lullaby. A fairy that looked exactly the same as the Great Fairy of Power had ascended from the water.

"_Am I sure this isn't the same slu--- I mean, fairy as before?_"

"Welcome Link! I am the Great Fairy of Magic! I will give you a magic spell. Please take it."

"_I hope it's a spell to get the girlies! They hot! Yeeeep!_" She made a red glowing ball of light appear with her hands. It was Din's Fire.

"_FIERY!! DEATH!! GLOWING!! LEVITATING!! SHIiIiIiINY!! It's perfect!!_"

"You can use Din's Fire not only to attack but also to burn things!"

"I likey to burn things..." Link possessively said while swaying back and forth.. Back and forth.. And back and forth again..

"When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me." She laughed maniacally and dove back into the water. Link ran into the water after her, but couldn't hop into it. He looked into the shallow, crystal clear, blue water.

"Those fairies are huge, yet they fit in this little shallow pond? I don't get it..." Link questioned the ability of the Great Fairies.. He did not know their power. Navi sighed at Link's ignorance, especially since he of all people should know fairies are magical.

"Hey!"

"What now, Navi?"

"LISTEN! Maybe you should ask Saria if she knows anything about the next Spiritual Stone!"

"No no no... I KNOW!" Navi stared at Link in amazement. She was astounded at the fact that he had thought of his own, original idea for once.

"How about we ask Saria if she knows anything about the next Spiritual Stone!" Ok, so much for original.. Link called Saria on his ocarina. The sound of Saria's Song made Link feel like he was back in Kokiri Forest.

"You want to talk to Saria, right?" Navi asked.  
"Noooo, I played her song for my own health! WELL DUH!"

"Ok, ok.. SHEESH!"

"Link...? This is Saria. Can you hear me?"

"CRYSTAL CLEAR BABE!"

"Are you collecting Spiritual Stones?"

"Yes... I got the green sparkly levitating one from the mustachioed talking tree, and then I got the RED sparkly levitating one from the fat guys made of rock... I like that red one bestest... Eeeeeeeee... I need one more though... I wonder what color it will be... OoOoO..."

"You have one more to find?"

"Umm... Is this a trick question?"

"You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, don't you?"

"WILL YOU STOP INTERROGATING ME?!"

"OH MY GOD LINK! YOU SAID A 5 SYLLABLE WORD!!" Navi screamed in surprise.

"Ummm... Yes I did? And uh... A syllable meaning..."

"The thrill is gone," Navi bluntly stated.

"Link, the Great Deku Tree once told me that King Zora, ruler of Zora's Domain, has it..." Saria came to an abrupt stop, and then there was silence. Link had realized the service was cut off..

"DAMN! ANOTHER DROPPED CALL!! I should really consider switching to Cingular... They have fewer dropped calls!"

"WHAT ARE YOU?! Some advertising agency???? IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER! ALL THE COMPANIES DROP CALLS!!"

"But Cingular has fewer dropped calls, see?" Link pulled a Cingular add out from under his hat. Navi read the fine print at the bottom.

"It says based on their percentage of customers, Link."

"WHERE?!" Navi pointed to the fine print. Link squinted a little.

"DAAAAMN! You can read that little thing?! Well, what does that have to do with anything?"

"... You're kidding, right? THEY PROBABLY HAVE LESS CUSTOMERS, YOU KUMQUAT!!"

"I like kumquats... They're kumquatiful... I even made up a song! Do you wanna hear it?" Link had a look of hope in his eye, almost as if he were three-years-old.

"NO I DO NOT!" Navi had crushed his hope.

Link began singing anyway, "Kumquat, kumquat, come and eat the kumquat! It's so juicy and kumquatty; eat it and you'll never stop! So come and eat the kumquat!" Navi stared at Link in fear, and slowly began to drift farther and farther from Link. She did know if he was rabid or just plain stupid. Link left the fairy fountain, and went to Zora's Domain. The process of getting out of the castle was very long and tedious, but they managed to get out before dusk.

"Hey Navi.. I wonder what time it is.."

"Yeah, I'm starting to get kinda hungr--- Oh no.." Navi turned to see a gossip stone-- the first one he had ever struck.

"AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Link let out a shriek of excitement and ran over to hit the gossip stone. It told him the time, and Link felt better. They walked into the town of pixelated houses. He ran past the little girl chasing the Cucco, the obnoxious, dancing couple, the crowd around the markets, the thief stealing from the markets, and the two gay, matching twins near the single tree that's growing in Hyrule Market Place. Before Link left, he ran into the side room, where he found a bunch of pots and a guard.

"Man, I am SO bored," the guard said. "Things would sure be more interesting if there were more... troubles in the world..."

"_Yeah... MORE trouble... Riiight.. I've already gotta save your freakin' land of Hyrule, then I gotta woo Princess Hottie! And Saria.. And Malon... They are all sooooo hot.. I wonder what they would look like all grown up... HOTTNESS!! But I will never know..._"

"Hey, that's just between you and me, ok?"

"Hmmmm... I don't know.."

"Anyway, maybe we can let off some steam by breaking these jars."

"Ok, I'll keep it a secret."

"Stand near a jar and lift it. Then toss it!"

"_Or I could slash it with my big, bad sword!_" Link needed some rupees, so this really helped him get his 'anger' out and get money. After he was done, he exited Hyrule Castle town. It was sunset, and it had just become night. Being that the freakin' skeleton things can't swim, he swam up the river until sunrise. He didn't even make it all the way up the river before sunrise. At the dawn of the morning sun, Link emerged from the freezing cold river water and ran into the area known as Zora's River. When he entered, he saw it... The owl... Sitting on the pole... Watching him..

"Hoo hoo! Looks like you've gotten bigger and stronger already, Link!"

"Yep, you bet I am! Big + Strong Link!"

"NOO! Don't tell him that you stupid owl!! YOU'RE the reason he's perverted, aren't you?!"

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. But just ahead lies Zora's Domain. The Zoras serve Hyrule's Royal Family by protecting this water source."

"_Oh yeah, I'm sure that's a BIG help! Protecting water, whoopee!_"

"Their door will not open for anyone except those who have some connection with the Royal Family."

"OOO! Zelda and I are pretty hot together. We made a chemical connection that just kept on goin'!"

"..." Navi's mouth was gaping, "See what I mean? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"I do not believe in the faults of others."

"YEAH NAVI!!" Link stuck his tongue out at her. Navi smacked him in the head.

"Navi, do I have to put you in time out?!" Link scolded. The owl couldn't take the fact that no one was listening to him anymore, so he let them know how he felt.

"I'M GONNA GIVE BOTH OF YOU A TIME OUT IF YOU TWO DON'T SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!! HOO!" Link and Navi looked surprisingly at the owl. Both Navi and Link 'zipped' there lips and locked them. Navi threw away the key, while Link swallowed his.

"Link, how can you swallow the key if your lips are locked?"

"How can you talk if your lips are locked, little miss I'm-so-special?!"

"Oops.. My bad.. Ok, I'm listening to you now Kaebora Gaebora."

"Oh my god, he's gay?!"

"NO HE'S NOT!!" The owl stared at them in amusement. This was a strange new experience for him. After about another 10 minutes, they proceeded in listening to the owl.

"Let them hear the melody of the Royal Family! Hooo hoo hoooot!" The owl spread apart its large wings, and flew away. After the meeting with the owl, there were boulders blocking the way in, and he couldn't swim up this time. He bombed the boulders. On the other side of the boulders, he saw a a Cucco, and a fat man eating beans. How nice. He walked up to Mr. Fat Dude and asked what he was doing there.

"Chomp chomp chomp... How about some Magic Beans? They aren't selling very well..."

"Well, that's because you're a fat dude sitting near a river that no one goes by anymore with no shirt on which probably makes you think you're bringing SexyBack, but you're really not!" The Magic Bean seller was eating Magic Beans while Link said this, so he couldn't hear anything except the 'chomp chomp chomp' sound.

"How about... 10 rupees for one piece?"

"Of SexyBack? You're not sexy though!! But me on the other hand, I CREATED sexy!"

"I meant the Magic Beans.."

"Oh... Uh yeah sure.. I'll take 2.." "_GOD! ARE THOSE BEANS THE ONLY THING HE THINKS ABOUT?!_"

"Ok... Chomp chomp chomp.. Good bye little babies... I'll miss you! If he doesn't take care of you well you come right back home, ya hear me? YA HEAR?!" The strange Magic Bean man instructed the Magic Beans that he was giving to Link. Magic Bean Man was about to take a bite out of them, but Link quickly pulled them away and started to slowly back away. He used the clucking Cucco to fly over the river. On the other side, he ran up the ramp with the Cucco in hand and avoided the octorok. He jumped over that gap with the Cucco and threw it in the water. About a minute later, the Cucco rose from the water and high into the sky. It disappeared, and then descended where Link had first found it.

"HOW THE HELL DID IT DO THAT?!" Link continued to walk until he found a branch sitting in the water. Navi had flown over to it to show Link that it had 'importance,' so Link hopped on it. He saw frogs in the water.

"Some frogs are looking at you from underwater..."

"Oh, they're checking me out huh?"

"Nooooo, Link," Navi said slowly."They're not. They want to see if you're dangerous or not.."

"Oh, I'm dangerous! Dangerously sexy! I need to be handled with extreme care, otherwise I might hurt!"

"You are---"

"--the most disgusting male I have ever met!" Link imitated Navi with a girly-girl voice, which he did very a well. A little TOO well.

"Ugh... You immature pig," Link took out his Ocarina and played Zelda's Lullaby for the frogs. As he played, some frogs began to ribbit with him. Almost like they were playing... together.

"Young lad, you play the Ocarina well..."

"AHHH! THEY SPEAK!!"

"Mmmmm...! That melody is so fine... ribbit! We should practice it, ribbit! Take rupees as a souvenir! If you come up with another nice melody, please drop by and play it... Ribbit ribbit!" The frogs all hopped back into the water and gave Link...

"A PURPLE RUPEE?! I'M RICH!!!"

"Rich is only what you make it to be... Rich doesn't always mean in money, you know?" Navi informed Link.

"Yeah, like I'm rich in hottness and sexiness!!"

"That's not what I mea--- Oh it doesn't matter, I'm not gonna change anything!!"

"I like those frogs! Ribbit!" Link started hopping around like a frog.

"Link what are you doing?"

"I'm a frog! Ribbit! I'm wearing green like a frog! Ribbit! I'm rich like a frog! Ribbit! I look like a frog! Ribbit! Don't I? Ribbit?"

"Ok, I think you should stop now, or go see a therapist."

"Yeah, ok I'll stop..." Link continued to head towards Zora's Domain, where he met up with an Octorok. This was the second one he found.

"What's with all these Octo-pots in the river?"

"Link... They're not octo-pots... It's an octorok.."

"Oh, well that's what I said.."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn-- I'm not winning against a three-year-old, now am I?" Link proceeded in going to Zora's Domain. He played Zelda's Lullaby, and the water falls parted so Link could finally enter Zora's Domain.

**Link: Wow... It's so beautiful...**

**MissNavi: Link... We're not on that part yet..**

**Link: I know, but I remember it was so beautiful...**

**Navi: Amazing, you usually don't say something's 'beautiful.' You always say it's hot!**

**Link: Well, beautiful is like cool, but hot is Zelda and Saria having a cat fight! MROWRR!!**

**Navi: Yeah, if only you were in the middle getting all scratched up. MROWRR!!**

**Link: Now Navi why you gotta be like dat? Always hatin' on people!**

**Navi: Not everyone; just you!**

**Link: You're just jealous because I'm so hot!!**

**Navi: -cough NOT! cough- You're so cold, you make Antarctica feel like a hot summer day!**

**MissNavi: Ok guys, settle down.**

**Link: I'm only settling down if it's with Zelda!**

**MissNavi: Ok.. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.. You can either STOP the pervertedness on your own and then I WON'T have to hurt you.. OR I can stop it on my OWN and there is NO guarantee that you will come back in one piece.. Understand?**

**Link: Jeez, you don't have to get all violent about it... I was just having some fun... -mumbles- Fun sucker...**

**MissNavi: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!**

**Link: Uhh.. I said.. Young Tucker?**

**MissNavi: NO YOU DIDN'T!!**

**Link: Umm... How about if I said that I said please review?**

**-MissNavi puts down duct tape-**

**MissNavi: Ok, that'll do. PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Link: It could one day save my life!**

**Navi: Actually, don't review... Well, review, but not for Link's sake..**

**Link: HEY!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Link: OH MY GOD! FINALLY! It's chapter 12!**

**MissNavi: Ok, I know I haven't updated in a looong time, but I've been caught up in my new story The Legend of Zelda: Betrayers which is on my regular fanfiction profile thing. I have decided that I will only update on weekends unless it's some special occasion and I have a lot of chapters, and I will alternate what stories I update, so this weekend I'm updating AoA, and next weekend I will update Betrayers. This is only fair to everyone reading AoA and Betrayers, even though Betrayers is doing soooo much better than AoA. But ya.**

**Navi: THEY LIKE BETRAYERS BETTER?! IT'S BECAUSE OF MY STUPID S---**

**MissNavi: NAVI!! DON'T GIVE IT AWAY! SOME PEOPLE HAVEN'T READ IT YET!!**

**Link: NaVi'S iN tRoOoOoOoOoUbLe. OoOoOoOoO:P**

**-Everyone looks at Link-**

**MissNavi: Link, shut your mouth.**

**Link: Ok. -Zips mouth and swallows key-**

**Navi: YOU CAN'T SWALLOW THE-- oh nevermind..**

**MissNavi:Ok, now, here's chapter 12! Please enjoy! PS I'm really really really really really really really really--**

**Link: JUST SAY IT DAMMIT!  
MissNavi: --- sorry.. haha.. now read!!**

The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals

Chapter 12

"Wow... It's beautiful.." Link looked around in amazement at Zora's Domain. Link gazed at the water, who's light reflected onto the walls. He stared at the waterfall. It was an aquatic paradise.

"Wait a minute. Did you just call something beautiful?" Navi asked in surprise.

"...Yes..." Link replied.

"And I thought you were the male Paris Hilton. Ya know, that's hot?"

"Navi! I am not a ditz! I am a graceful, magestic--" Link spoke proudly until Navi interrupted.

"Link, stop lying, what do you really think you are?"

"Fine. I think I'm damn HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

"...That's what I thought." Link started to walk away, as Navi spoke to herself, "The young minds poisoned with dirty thoughts due to the influence of Link.. -sigh-"

"HEY I HEARD THAT! And thank you," Link cheerfully replied. Link and Navi proceeded through the domain, soothed by the sounds of the gushing waterfall and the sight of the glimmering, still water. All was peaceful and calm, until there was an annoying sound interrupted the delicate balance of the domain.

"HEY!"

"... What Navi?"

"LISTEN!"

"Ummmm.. I'm already doing that.."

"Maybe you should ask Saria if she knows anything about the next Spiritual Stone!"

"_She said that already!! What the heck?! She's just a retard.. I should tell her.. But on the other hand, I can talk to my little forest babe.. Hmmm.. Insult Navi.. Sweet talk little forest babe... Hmmm.._" Link began to move his hands up and down as if they were a balance, and he was weighing something.

".. Link," Navi tried to get Link's attention, but Link was lost in his own little sick thoughts.

"HEY!"

"I KNOW I KNOW!! CALL SARIA!!"

"... You don't have to be so defensive.. You hurt my feelings.. WAAAH!" While Navi flew off and cried somewhere, while Link called Saria. After Link played Saria's Song, Navi took a break from her sob session to ask, "You want to -sniffle sniffle- talk to Saria, -sniffle sniffle- right?"

"Yes, and suck it up!" Navi returned to her sob session.

"Link...? This is Saria. Can you hear me?"

"_No shit, sherlock._" "Yes, my little forest babe."

"... Ummm.. I know you can't see it right now, but I'm blushing."

"_Why the hell would you tell someone that?!_"

"Anyway, are you collecting Spiritual Stones?"

"... You asked me that last time I talked to y--"

"You have one more to find?"

"I told you that last tim---"

"You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, don't you?"

"But I didn't say anythin--"

"The Great Deky Tree once told me that King Zora----"

"_Oh my god, when will this chick shut UP?! I mean REALLY! She asks me the same damn thing everytime I call her!! Why did she even bother giving me her tune to call if she doesn't want to talk about US?_"

"---- ruler of the Zor's Domain, has it..."

"Huh? What? Oh yeah, right. I knew that. Thanks for the info. I would've been totally lost because it's not like you TOLD ME THIS ALREADY!"

"Oh, I'll help you anytime Link!"

"_Help? If you help me fullfil my needs, I'll give you the best night of your life, babe._"

"Do you want to talk to Saria again?" Navi wiped her tears with her wings as she tried to stop crying. A single tear fell from her face and it landed on Link.

"Navi!!! Look what you did!!" Link and Navi looked down at Link's trouserless outfit and there was a tear drop on his tunic.

"... Link... It's saline... It's okay..." Navi tried to calm him down.

"How will I get the hot babes now?! They'll think I'm a lazy slob!"

"Well at least they know the truth.." Navi muttered to herself. Link looked at her sternly, and they continued to walk, or fly, towards the Zora King's chambers. Link ran up the ramp to the Zora King and---

"Whoa.." Link looked up at the King Zora that sat before him. "_Oh my god that's a fat fish!_" "Hey! Mr. Fat Fish!" The King's gaze into space was undisturbed. "Yo! Fish Sticks and Fries! Over here!" Link listened to the Zora talk to himself.

"Oh, my dear, sweet Princess Ruto..."

"_ANOTHER PRINCESS BABE?! THIS KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH DAT'S RIGHT! WHO'S HOT? I'M HOT! SAY IT WITH ME PEOPLE! IF YOU'RE SEXY AND YA KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS!_" Link started clapping his hands loudly above his head.

"Ummm.. Link... You know what, I don't wanna know.."

"Hehehehe.." Link continued listening to the King babble.

"Where has she gone? I'm so worried..."

"_You should be worried! You can't let a hot little princess go to waste like that! She needs care, and a little lovin' if ya know what I'm saying.._" Link and Navi walked off the raised platform and down a dark tunnel.

"Well, I guess we gotta find this Ruto chick. So let's go!" Link and Navi came to a huge waterfall, and Link stupidly jumped off the cliff and gracefully dived into the water. When Link swam up to the surface, he saw Zoras arising from under the water.

"See Navi? They were lookin' at all that diving hottness right there.. Uh huh, I know it. I'm a pro."

"Suuuure they were Link. Sure they were." Link did a back stroke back to shore, trying to show off to all the Zoras. Later on, Link found out that a majority of them were male. Knowing this, he ran down another tunnel in the King's chambers.

"Link why are you walking like that?" Link was jumping and wiggling and squirming very strangely.

"There's something in my tunic. And it doesn't want to be there."

"I see."

"You can see it?!"

"What? Ew! No! EWWWW! Like I'd want to see your junk!!"

"Well I don't know, a lot of the ladies wanna p---"

"DON'T START!"

"Ugh, fine." Link continued to wiggle and squirm until he got to the big fish, Lord Jabu Jabu.

"This is there Lord? No wonder they're so screwed up!" Link had finally squirmed long enough until what was in his tunic fell out. It was a fish.

"EWWW! NAVI! A FISH TRIED TO DO ME!"

"Link, I doubt the fish would ever be so masochistic to do that."

"Oh Navi. You and your big words!" Link started to sound really gay, but before he knew it, everything went black and he was swept away somewhere else. Or, in something else..

**Link: Ew. Fish in my tunic. Ew.**

**Navi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Maybe a someone put it there so you would shut up!**

**Link: No see, people don't want to put stuff in my pants. They wanna get in my pants.**

**MissNavi: Link shut your ass up.**

**Link: But it's so pretty, almost as pretty as this face! -kissy noise and smacks his butt-**

**MissNavi: So unnecessary. Anyway, the next story being updated will be Betrayers, so check that out soon. Later peepz!**

**Link: BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! I WANT YOU IN MY PANTS!**

**Navi: It's room. Not pants.**

**Link: Oh. But can they be in my pants instead?**

**Navi: ... Ugh...**


End file.
